Aud-itions Are Closed

So after 244 brutal days of pregnancy and 4 painful hours of labour, I became a mother.
It still hasn't really sunk in... But it's about to.

Audrey passed her audition with flying colours.. She is pretty cool and I think we are going to keep her.

As a family we have gotten to share 5 life changing weeks together. Getting to know each other. Over this time I have seen BJ is a whole new light. He has taken on his new role as a father better then I could have ever imagined. I knew that he would be amazing but he has exceeded my expectations. He has shown me just how much he loves Audrey, Never having to actually say it (even though he does constantly) because I can see it in his eyes when he looks at her.

He has no problem changing a nappy, cooking dinner while I feed her or walking the house for ages to settle her. He has become the worlds best swaddler and at night will often wake up just to swaddle her so I can put her back in her cot.

Earlier I could hear him singing to her about changing her nappy through the baby monitor and currently I'm watching him play with Audrey, trying to get her to smile. It's amazing. HE'S AMAZING and Audrey and I are so lucky.

I am soo happy that we made the decision for him to take this time off work for when she was born so that we could do this together. I feel it's really important for him to bond with Audrey as much as me he has been able to do just that.

Together we have changed over 250 nappies, done more then 15 loads of washing, given Audrey more nicknames then she could ever remember and had more sleepless hours then I can count. (And lets not even talk about the wipes, Jesus we have been through a LOT of wipes.)

Tomorrow he goes back to work. Something we are all dreading. He is upset that he's not going to get to hang out and wont get to spend as much time with Audrey on weekdays and I'm upset that i'll having to start doing this all on my own while he's gone. I know I have friends and family around to support and help me if I need it but that doesn't change the fact that it's mostly going to be just me and Audrey.

BJ has made several comments about starting some sort of home business so that he wouldn't have to work... Which is a lovely fantasy but the reality is that this day was always going to come.

And now that it has i'm trying to psych myself up ready for my first day alone with Audrey. I am looking forward to spending time together, just the two of us, but I'm also over thinking all the things that could happen. I'm not worried about have to let her cry for a minute while I go to the bathroom but I am worried about her crying all day and me not being able to settle her.

Because I am working from home as well as looking after Audrey I worry about when I am going to find some time to do anything else. Time to clean up the kitchen, take a lunch break or even just have a moment for myself. I have struggled to find a good balance between the work and being a mother over the last 5 weeks and that's while BJ has been here to help me. But I am determined to make it work, to get my workload sorted so that I can spend as much time as possible bonding with Audrey and to get Audrey sorted so that I can take a moment to have a shower or enjoy one of my tv shows.

I know there will be good days and bad, laughter and tears and i'm nervous but also excited about it.

xx
Smorgy

Photos by our amazing photographer Bianca Cash

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Where has the last month gone?!

One month ago I did something incredible. I pushed a thing the size of a watermelon out of my body and welcomed my daughter Audrey J into the world.

I was booked in to be induced on the Friday morning but that didn't quite go to plan. We were up from 5am and instructed to call the hospital before coming in. Due to a shortness of staff we were delayed and weren't told to come in until 10.30am. We sat around waiting at the hospital until we were finally moved to a birthing suite at 1.30pm and from then we were told almost every hour that 'it should happen soon'. At about 7pm they tagged me and told me that it may not happen that day but that they won't send me home.

5am Saturday morning they walked in... 'Oh your awake... Good! We are about to start'.

FINALLY!!!

By this point there had been several changeovers in staff and we were soo over the hospital.

At 5.10am they broke my waters and started my drips. Because I was induced they had to keep me hooked up to a monitor to keep an eye on the baby and make sure she was doing ok. This made it difficult for me to move around and I wasn't able to use the shower or bath at all.

My nausea was extreme that morning and once the contractions started it only got worse. The midwife offered me some gas for the pain. I didn't think I would like it but I gave it a go. Mostly because I knew BJ wanted to try it. You are meant to breathe in and out of the tube when your contractions start, to relieve the pain. As soon as I started breathing it in, I felt hazy and struggled to open my eyes. It didn't help with the pain, just made me feel weird so I stopped using it.

By 7am my contractions had started and they were not pleasant at all. BJ was so great helping me through each one. When it got to about 9.30am the midwife suggested I get up and move around a bit to move things along faster but because of the IV and the monitors that wasn't going to be easy so instead I hopped on an exercise ball by the bed and started to rock.

I started to feel a serious need to push and the noises coming out of me were not very lady-like. The midwife was assuring me that there was no way I was ready to push, 'It was too early still'. This was devastating to me as I was exhausted already and couldn't imagine continuing like this for hours more. But she decided to pop me up on the bed and see where things were at, that's when we discovered that I was well and truly ready to squeeze this baby out.

They prepared what they need and I asked if I should push. The midwife responded with 'do whatever feels right'. Which I didn't find helpful at all. Moments before my next contraction was due to start I turned to BJ and whispered to him 'I don't want to shit the bed!'. He laughed and then I started to push.

I experienced the most painful thing I'd ever experienced. Within 20 minutes, her head was out and she started crying. One more push and out came the rest of her. At 10.08am a slimy blob was placed on my chest and an overwhelming feeling came over me.. I did it!

A 4 hour labour. Audrey had no interest in taking things slow.

It has been a month but feels like only yesterday. I have made so many notes of things I wanted to write about and hopefully soon I will find some time to do some more posts. But right now I have to feed my little girl... Holy cow! I have a kid!!

xx
Smorgy

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38 Weeks... Who's Ready?!

Less then two weeks left and even with everything that's happened during this pregnancy... the constant nausea, the gestational diabetes, the insulin injections, I don't feel ready for it to be over just yet.

We are now playing the waiting game to see if she comes on her own or if the doctors decide to intervene. The not knowing is the worst bit.

I'm a very organised person. I like to be in control and know exactly what's going to happen. This is something that I have no control over and haven't had any control for the entire pregnancy.

The next stage is scary. I'm not worried about the labour, pain is easy. But after that, there is a baby and it's MY responsibility. I will be someone's mother... Shit!

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the last 8 1/2 months and everything that's happened.

I always thought that when I got pregnant I would stack on the weight. You know, blame it on the pregnancy cravings and just eat whatever i wanted. But it's been the opposite. I lost 10kgs in my first trimester which had me the lightest I've been for a long time and thanks to the diabetes I've had to be very careful with what i've eaten throughout the rest of the pregnancy.

I'm constantly being told that I'm very small. Which I'm quite happy about. I don't feel like I'm carrying around a watermelon in my top. I feel like (most of the time) I look pretty alright for someone who is so far along. But I am getting a lot of pain in the back of my ribs and shortness of breath when I sit down. So that's not fun.

I always hear stories about strangers going up to people while they are pregnant and ask them how far along they are or try to touch their tummies or giving their opinions. Strangers always seem interested in pregnant people but this was not the case with me... Thank goodness! I kept telling BJ that I must have a face that scares them away. I was looking forward to the moment when some stranger tried to touch my belly and I respond by touching THEIR belly but alas I don't think I will get a chance.

I have however had SOOO many people tell me their stories... They are either about issues and complications during their pregnancy OR they are about how great and easy their pregnancy was. Either way it's been super annoying and not something I've wanted to hear about.

I've had someone tell me about their horror birth where they nearly lost their baby and blame the hospital... which is of course the hospital I am going to and they knew this before starting the story. And then another person told me about an experience they had when they were a cop and had to deal with a pregnant woman who was hit by a car and died. Why do people insist on telling me these stories?!

This morning I woke up to find that BJ had finished painting in the nursery and moved the change table into their and hung a beautiful piece of artwork we received from a friend of ours. So today while he was at work I put the cot together and start organising things (Better late then never hey). I got the other artwork we have and framed it up ready to hang and the room is finally coming together.

There have been quite a few issues when it comes to my appointments. The doctor will say 'come back next week' but they'd be all booked up and I'd have to go on a waiting list and hope someone else goes into labour so that I'll get their appointment. This happened again this week and it's the most annoying one. Doctor wanted me back on Wednesday and mentioned booking me in to be induced Thursday or Friday if she hasn't come prior but they couldn't fit me in Wednesday so I'm booked in to the hospital on Friday morning and now I have no idea what's going to happen.

I have been misinformed and uninformed about a lot of  things throughout this pregnancy. So once she comes I will be happy to not have to deal with that anymore. I'm hoping to not have to be induced and I'm convinced that she will be a September baby. So I have at least 5 days to go hahaha.

Wish me luck

xx
Smorgy

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Two

When we got married we made a wedding album which we gifted to our guests and since then BJ has made one every year for our anniversary. We go to the same place each time to take our cover photo. BJ then scrolls through his music collection and creates the perfect playlist. Often using songs that he's found and kept from me until the next album because he knows i'll love them.

It was a little late this year with everything else that's been going on so I finally got it off BJ this week.

He makes every album so special and unique. I look forward to it every year and it is always on regular rotation on my ipod.

I pressed play in the car as I drove to work for my last 'official' day in the office on Thursday and enjoyed every second of it.

This years album starts off with a beautiful song about having a newborn baby girl and I was instantly in tears listening to it. It continues with a lot of beautiful sounding songs and is a nice easy listen. I have listened to it a couple of times already.

Now he just needs to finish our 'labour playlist' ready for the big day.

The tracklist:
Just A Dream - Tobias Jesso Jr.
This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) - Iron & Wine and Ben Bridwell
Beginners - The Tallest Man On Earth
Wastes Of Time - Elvis Depressedly
Slow Show - The National
If I Love You - The Brain Jonestown Massacre
West Virginia - The Front Bottoms
Depreston - Courtney Barnett
Against Pollution - The Mountain Goats
A Girl In Port - Okkervil River
I Went To The Store One Day - Father John Misty

xx
Smorgy

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37 Weeks Now

I honestly don't remember what it felt like to not be pregnant. BJ and I found out on New Years Eve and I had about two weeks before i started feeling sick as a dog.

Now we are in August and I have 3 weeks until my due date. Basically my little girl could come any day. But we have an agreement that 38 1/2 weeks is fair. I have shit to do this week to prepare so she is just going to squirm around in their for a little longer.

We have had friends and family helping us soo much since we moved to prepare this place for our new addition and it is starting to come together. This Saturday our fence goes up and our boys can come home and that makes us both soo happy.

BJ had finally setup his record shelf which is looking awesome and we ordered our new couch which will arrive at the start of October.

This week I have two pregnancy related appointment and the car booked in to get the car seat installed. I'm only doing part days in the office and setting up everything setup to work from home.

Last weekend our awesome mate and tattooist came over and painted a mural on the wall in the nursery and it is AMAZING!!!

He did it all freehand and I love it so much that i'm trying to figure out how to position the furniture in their so nothing covers it. Check it out!!! and check him out!!!

xx
Smorgy

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We Moved!

Two weeks ago we moved from our cute little place in Croydon to a much larger place in Chirnside Park. From the moment we walked in the doors of the new place we had a lot to get done.

While the guys were unloading the truck, the mothers were painting our master bedroom which was a horrible metallic purple/brown colour. It took 4 coats to get rid of the damn thing.

We had a cleaner show up that same day to do the bathrooms and the kitchen as the previous owners had left the place looking quiet horrible. The oven was only 3 years old and looked like it hadn't been cleaned for 2 decades.

Our first night in the house was spent on a mattress on the floor which was lovely for a pregnant woman.. NOT!! We learnt very quickly that we were not allow in this house. There is a possum living in our lounge room wall who i've named Jarryd. He likes to knock on the wall as if he wants us to let him inside. It's super creepy. The other morning BJ heard Jarryd and went to see if he could see where he is getting into our wall. BJ swears that Jarryd is the BIGGEST possum he's ever seen and by the sounds he makes I am not surprised.

We got the kitchen sorted pretty quickly. It's soo nice and big with LOT'S of cupboards and an island bench which are both in love with. The other rooms are still a bit of a disaster zone.

All the baby stuff got unpacked so we could organise washing things and I could start packing my hospital bag. It is almost complete though I feel I have waaay too much stuff.

While moving the already broken part of our couch was broken even more to the point that we cannot use it. So BJ and I went looking for a new couch last weekend and have found this retro looking one that we are going to order soon. It wont be available until the end of September which works well because I would hate for my waters to break whilst sitting on it.

Our boys, Cooper & Gordon are not yet living with us as we need to get a fence installed before they can. We had a sleepover with them last week which went well. They spent most of the evening standing guard by the windows in the lounge. We are hoping to try for a sleepover again soon but it's difficult because we have to take them out on their leads and I am no longer able to squat down and put their harness on them.

I am now 8 months pregnant and shit is about to get real.

I have noticed that my energy levels have dropped (Not that they have been very high throughout this pregnancy but still.) We are trying to get the baby's room all sorted before she comes. I feel like every second is spent at appointments now and that i'm not getting anything done.
As of next week I hope to be setup to work from home which will make things a little easier. But I still have soo much to do at the office to be prepared for that.

I had an ultrasound this week and they switched to 3D which is something I haven't had before. BJ couldn't make this appointment so my mum came and she purchased a video of the scan so he could see it. It was pretty cool. She is growing well and looking good. Though she was not willing to let us take a nice photo of her. I also had a doctor's appointment and they hooked my up to a monitor for 20 minutes to check the babies heart rate. I'm going to be doing this weekly to ensure everything is ok.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks and I don't think it's going to slow down at all before she arrives. Hopefully we can get everything ready in time.

xx
Smorgy

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