Thursday, December 31, 2015

Goodbye 2015

Well where do I begin...

This has been one crazy year. One year ago today I found out that I was pregnant after having some tests done a few days earlier as things just didn't seem right and the results were pregnancy and PCOS.

I announced the news to BJ while he was at work and that night we celebrated we brought in the new year, smiling about our little secret.

I then had two lovely weeks before the morning sickness started... and didn't stop for 8 whole months. My hyperemesis included the struggle to get out of bed or eat food, inability to stand in the shower, an overnight stay in the emergency room, Zofran wafers twice a day at $100 for 12 days worth and several trips to the doctors for Maxalon injections and repeat scripts.

By the end of my first trimester i had lost 10kg and got into a routine with my medication so that I was semi functional. I could get myself to work most days by 10.30am and could only stay on my feet for short periods of time. I could handle small meals and the only way to stomach water was for it to be ice cold and flavoured with cola cordial. Enormous amounts of ice was consumed throughout my pregnancy.

The announcement of our pregnancy happened at the end of February and Facebook went mental.
Before I had fallen pregnant (and knew I was going to be sick as anything for the entire thing) we bought tickets to go see Conor Oberst play a twilight show at the Melbourne Zoo and it took everything I had to get myself there only to have them cancel it 3 songs in due to a storm that was about to hit.

My year continued with lot's of medication, very little sleep, constant hips/back pain and then we found out the sex. A girl! A reminder about why i'm going through all this. Once again Facebook goes mental after a subtle gender reveal.
Amongst all this we sold our house and spent every free moment going to open homes to get a new place to live. Our sale was fantastic, finding a new place to live however was very time consuming and we had a lot of disappointment. Missing out on 3 properties and getting to the point that we almost had to rent as we were running out of time to find a place. Luckily we secured our new home and then the packing began. 

Appointment after appointment. Doctors, midwives, ultrasounds, osteo's... And then it was time to have my glucose tolerance test... and *Dramatic pause* I had gestational diabetes... Of course! 4 times a day I was having to test my blood sugar levels by pricking my finger and keep track of it all.

A couple of weeks after trying to manage my GD and being unsuccessful had me started on insulin. So on top of my 4 finger pricks a day I now had 3 needles in my tummy and EVEN more appointments. More doctors, more ultrasounds, more scripts and regular endo visits.

Our houses settle and we move into our new home while I was 8 months pregnant. Once we move in we find out that the previous owners didn't clean at all, the heater and evaporative cooling were not connected properly, no safety switch and there was a gas leak. So now I add even more appointments. Electrician, plumber, handyman. 

The last month of my pregnancy was weekly ultrasounds, monitoring and doctors/endo appointments and I get booked in to be induced. 

After a long and frustrating 24 hours in the hospital I was induced and Audrey J was brought into the world on the 5th September.. Within 4 hours! Crazy!! BJ and I were officially parents!
The moment Audrey was born I stopped feeling sick. It has been almost 4 months now and I am the lightest I've weighed in the last 8 years. It has been one hell of a roller coaster trying to find a balance between looking after Audrey and work. I barely took 6 days off when Audrey was born (still taking calls and answering emails in hospital) before I started working again (from home mostly). There have been a lot moments where I've just wanted to scream and cry when it comes to work let me tell you.

From 4 weeks Audrey was sleeping through the night. We had some hiccups with feeding and her first cold. She is now over 6kgs of pure cheekiness, giggling, grasping, rolling onto her back and the smile she gives me every time she see's me after her nap is just the best thing ever.

I also celebrated my 29th birthday and we had Audrey's first Christmas. It was soo fun to include her in our family christmas photo. I don't know how we are going to top it next year.

So although most of my year was a struggle to get through it is definitely ending on a high note. This year has taught me that I can do ANYTHING. That I am strong and determined and that nothing can stop me. 

And even though I will be reminding Audrey throughout her entire life about all the pain and suffering she put me through in those 9 months, I am so thankful for her and all that she has taught me already. 

Here's to a happy and healthy 2016.

xx
Smorgy

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Friday, November 27, 2015

Audrey's First Cold

It's almost over!!!

At 11 weeks old Audrey got to experience her first ever cold.. And she shared it with the WHOLE house.

BJ doesn't often get sick so when he does it hits him hard. He came home early from work Monday morning and was off sick till today. So on top of being unwell myself I had to look after two sick babies.


Audrey has taken this cold like a champion. I think she is going to take after me when it comes to being sick. Towards the end of it though she has a lot of yucky stuff wanting to come out and that's causing her a bit of a tummy upset and waking her up during naps. Poor thing!


This morning was the first moment I feel I've had where I could just be a sickie. After BJ left for work I fed Audrey and then we both went back to sleep. It was nice to just lie in bed for a bit and not have to do anything.

Don't get me wrong it was nice having BJ home this week, but I'd prefer it under different circumstances. My daily routine with Audrey was thrown out of whack. You'd think having a second pair of hands around while your sick and looking after a baby would help but it didn't really. I found myself forgetting to prepare a bottle when she was due to wake or not sterilizing more while she was sleeping.

It was nice though to see BJ finally realise just how crazy a day with Audrey can be. He was feeding her last night and commented on how it just seems like your constantly feeding her.

"It doesn't feel like 3 hours have passed"

xx
Smorgy

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Thursday, November 12, 2015

Head Above Water

It's been 2 months since Audrey was born and I'm starting to feel like I've got a hang of this 'mum' thing.

In that first month i lost myself a bit. No making any time for me. When I had a break while she was napping it was mostly spent working

I've started quiet a few posts since she's been born but just haven't been in the right head space to work on them and get them right but I am hoping soon I will be able to post more. I want to document what's been going on in my life since Audrey joined us.

Over the last 2 months our world has changed. Not just for me and BJ but for our boys Gordon and Cooper. They have been so great with Audrey and I'm so proud of them.

BJ has now been back at work for a few weeks and since he went back it has given Audrey and I a chance to develop a routine. I've got a great system going with getting her down for her naps, keeping bottles clean and sterilised, getting the washing done and making sure I sit down and have a lunch break every day. I've gotten on top of my work (mostly) and I've even had a few adventures out of the house, just me and Audrey.

I've learnt very quickly that you need to add even more time then you excepted to get everyone ready and out of the house on time, that people have no respect for prams at the shops and even though there is a million things that need to be done, sometimes I just need to sit down with some chocolate and the tv and unwind.

She is a pretty cool kid and surprises me every day with how much she is learning and growing. And boy is she growing!

xx
Smorgy

Look at her cheeky face
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Sunday, October 11, 2015

Aud-itions Are Closed

So after 244 brutal days of pregnancy and 4 painful hours of labour, I became a mother.
It still hasn't really sunk in... But it's about to.

Audrey passed her audition with flying colours.. She is pretty cool and I think we are going to keep her.

As a family we have gotten to share 5 life changing weeks together. Getting to know each other. Over this time I have seen BJ is a whole new light. He has taken on his new role as a father better then I could have ever imagined. I knew that he would be amazing but he has exceeded my expectations. He has shown me just how much he loves Audrey, Never having to actually say it (even though he does constantly) because I can see it in his eyes when he looks at her.

He has no problem changing a nappy, cooking dinner while I feed her or walking the house for ages to settle her. He has become the worlds best swaddler and at night will often wake up just to swaddle her so I can put her back in her cot.

Earlier I could hear him singing to her about changing her nappy through the baby monitor and currently I'm watching him play with Audrey, trying to get her to smile. It's amazing. HE'S AMAZING and Audrey and I are so lucky.

I am soo happy that we made the decision for him to take this time off work for when she was born so that we could do this together. I feel it's really important for him to bond with Audrey as much as me he has been able to do just that.


Together we have changed over 250 nappies, done more then 15 loads of washing, given Audrey more nicknames then she could ever remember and had more sleepless hours then I can count. (And lets not even talk about the wipes, Jesus we have been through a LOT of wipes.)

Tomorrow he goes back to work. Something we are all dreading. He is upset that he's not going to get to hang out and wont get to spend as much time with Audrey on weekdays and I'm upset that i'll having to start doing this all on my own while he's gone. I know I have friends and family around to support and help me if I need it but that doesn't change the fact that it's mostly going to be just me and Audrey.

BJ has made several comments about starting some sort of home business so that he wouldn't have to work... Which is a lovely fantasy but the reality is that this day was always going to come.

And now that it has i'm trying to psych myself up ready for my first day alone with Audrey. I am looking forward to spending time together, just the two of us, but I'm also over thinking all the things that could happen. I'm not worried about have to let her cry for a minute while I go to the bathroom but I am worried about her crying all day and me not being able to settle her.

Because I am working from home as well as looking after Audrey I worry about when I am going to find some time to do anything else. Time to clean up the kitchen, take a lunch break or even just have a moment for myself. I have struggled to find a good balance between the work and being a mother over the last 5 weeks and that's while BJ has been here to help me. But I am determined to make it work, to get my workload sorted so that I can spend as much time as possible bonding with Audrey and to get Audrey sorted so that I can take a moment to have a shower or enjoy one of my tv shows.

I know there will be good days and bad, laughter and tears and i'm nervous but also excited about it.

xx
Smorgy

Photos by our amazing photographer Bianca Cash

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Monday, October 5, 2015

Where has the last month gone?!

One month ago I did something incredible. I pushed a thing the size of a watermelon out of my body and welcomed my daughter Audrey J into the world.


I was booked in to be induced on the Friday morning but that didn't quite go to plan. We were up from 5am and instructed to call the hospital before coming in. Due to a shortness of staff we were delayed and weren't told to come in until 10.30am. We sat around waiting at the hospital until we were finally moved to a birthing suite at 1.30pm and from then we were told almost every hour that 'it should happen soon'. At about 7pm they tagged me and told me that it may not happen that day but that they won't send me home.

5am Saturday morning they walked in... 'Oh your awake... Good! We are about to start'.

FINALLY!!!

By this point there had been several changeovers in staff and we were soo over the hospital.

At 5.10am they broke my waters and started my drips. Because I was induced they had to keep me hooked up to a monitor to keep an eye on the baby and make sure she was doing ok. This made it difficult for me to move around and I wasn't able to use the shower or bath at all.

My nausea was extreme that morning and once the contractions started it only got worse. The midwife offered me some gas for the pain. I didn't think I would like it but I gave it a go. Mostly because I knew BJ wanted to try it. You are meant to breathe in and out of the tube when your contractions start, to relieve the pain. As soon as I started breathing it in, I felt hazy and struggled to open my eyes. It didn't help with the pain, just made me feel weird so I stopped using it.

By 7am my contractions had started and they were not pleasant at all. BJ was so great helping me through each one. When it got to about 9.30am the midwife suggested I get up and move around a bit to move things along faster but because of the IV and the monitors that wasn't going to be easy so instead I hopped on an exercise ball by the bed and started to rock.

I started to feel a serious need to push and the noises coming out of me were not very lady-like. The midwife was assuring me that there was no way I was ready to push, 'It was too early still'. This was devastating to me as I was exhausted already and couldn't imagine continuing like this for hours more. But she decided to pop me up on the bed and see where things were at, that's when we discovered that I was well and truly ready to squeeze this baby out.

They prepared what they need and I asked if I should push. The midwife responded with 'do whatever feels right'. Which I didn't find helpful at all. Moments before my next contraction was due to start I turned to BJ and whispered to him 'I don't want to shit the bed!'. He laughed and then I started to push.

I experienced the most painful thing I'd ever experienced. Within 20 minutes, her head was out and she started crying. One more push and out came the rest of her. At 10.08am a slimy blob was placed on my chest and an overwhelming feeling came over me.. I did it!


A 4 hour labour. Audrey had no interest in taking things slow.

It has been a month but feels like only yesterday. I have made so many notes of things I wanted to write about and hopefully soon I will find some time to do some more posts. But right now I have to feed my little girl... Holy cow! I have a kid!!

xx
Smorgy


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Thursday, August 27, 2015

38 Weeks... Who's Ready?!

Less then two weeks left and even with everything that's happened during this pregnancy... the constant nausea, the gestational diabetes, the insulin injections, I don't feel ready for it to be over just yet.

We are now playing the waiting game to see if she comes on her own or if the doctors decide to intervene. The not knowing is the worst bit.

I'm a very organised person. I like to be in control and know exactly what's going to happen. This is something that I have no control over and haven't had any control for the entire pregnancy.

The next stage is scary. I'm not worried about the labour, pain is easy. But after that, there is a baby and it's MY responsibility. I will be someone's mother... Shit!

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the last 8 1/2 months and everything that's happened.

I always thought that when I got pregnant I would stack on the weight. You know, blame it on the pregnancy cravings and just eat whatever i wanted. But it's been the opposite. I lost 10kgs in my first trimester which had me the lightest I've been for a long time and thanks to the diabetes I've had to be very careful with what i've eaten throughout the rest of the pregnancy.

I'm constantly being told that I'm very small. Which I'm quite happy about. I don't feel like I'm carrying around a watermelon in my top. I feel like (most of the time) I look pretty alright for someone who is so far along. But I am getting a lot of pain in the back of my ribs and shortness of breath when I sit down. So that's not fun.

I always hear stories about strangers going up to people while they are pregnant and ask them how far along they are or try to touch their tummies or giving their opinions. Strangers always seem interested in pregnant people but this was not the case with me... Thank goodness! I kept telling BJ that I must have a face that scares them away. I was looking forward to the moment when some stranger tried to touch my belly and I respond by touching THEIR belly but alas I don't think I will get a chance.

I have however had SOOO many people tell me their stories... They are either about issues and complications during their pregnancy OR they are about how great and easy their pregnancy was. Either way it's been super annoying and not something I've wanted to hear about.

I've had someone tell me about their horror birth where they nearly lost their baby and blame the hospital... which is of course the hospital I am going to and they knew this before starting the story. And then another person told me about an experience they had when they were a cop and had to deal with a pregnant woman who was hit by a car and died. Why do people insist on telling me these stories?!

This morning I woke up to find that BJ had finished painting in the nursery and moved the change table into their and hung a beautiful piece of artwork we received from a friend of ours. So today while he was at work I put the cot together and start organising things (Better late then never hey). I got the other artwork we have and framed it up ready to hang and the room is finally coming together.

There have been quite a few issues when it comes to my appointments. The doctor will say 'come back next week' but they'd be all booked up and I'd have to go on a waiting list and hope someone else goes into labour so that I'll get their appointment. This happened again this week and it's the most annoying one. Doctor wanted me back on Wednesday and mentioned booking me in to be induced Thursday or Friday if she hasn't come prior but they couldn't fit me in Wednesday so I'm booked in to the hospital on Friday morning and now I have no idea what's going to happen.

I have been misinformed and uninformed about a lot of  things throughout this pregnancy. So once she comes I will be happy to not have to deal with that anymore. I'm hoping to not have to be induced and I'm convinced that she will be a September baby. So I have at least 5 days to go hahaha.

Wish me luck

xx
Smorgy


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