Sunday, July 31, 2011

When 10 years still only feels like a day

I've tried to make my blogging, tweeting and facebooking more positive lately. And I will try to make this blog as positive as i can.

For a lot of people who know me, many of you don't know what I've been though and had to live with. Even though it was in the papers, on the news etc there are still people out there who aren't aware of my story.
Today i'm going to share it with you all as I feel it's the right thing to do.

Beanca's 1st Birthday
10 years ago my 18 month old niece Beanca was murdered by her mother. Beanca and her brother Chris were taken by there mother one day while my brother was at work and 6 months went without us know where they were until we recieved a call with terrible news.

My mum and brother flew up to Queensland which is where she'd taken the kids and brought Chris back home with them.

Their mother was hog tying them at night so they wouldn't get up and bother her. The night that Beanca died, she had been tied up for 16 hours and during this time she'd rolled over and suffocated in her bed.

Mother and boyfriend were sentenced to 6 years for manslaughter and she was out in 3. Free to live her life as if nothing had happened.
I don't believe 6 years was a fair sentence at all. 10 years have passed and my family are still trying to put our lives back together.

Chris - Back in Melbourne with us
This women got to leave prison, then straight away, got pregnant and god only knows what's happening to that poor child.

Since that day my mum has been full time guardian to my nephew Chris who is severely autistic and due to the trauma he suffered he does not speak. Not only does she care for him but she's put everything she's got into protecting him and making sure he is surrounded by love and support.

And she has achieved that 10 fold. I hate to think what Chris' life would be like had she not saved him for the hell he was in.

At 15 my world was turned up side down. I can't begin to explain what it was like to live with something like this. I didn't have a childhood like the other kids my age did. I was a full time Aunty and my nights and weekends were spent looking after Chris.

Now, I'm nearly 25. I still live with and look after Chris daily and enjoy every second of it. He is the most amazing boy and I love to watch him achieve the things he has. He is living his life for two and making the most of every second of every day.

Warrandyte Cemetery
Yesterday my family had to stay strong and get through the hardest day we've ever had to live, and continue to be reminded about on the 30th of July every year.
We all had our own little way of remembering her, did our own special little thing.

The weather was nice in Warrandyte this Saturday. It always seems to be a nice day when I go to visit her. BJ and I planned to spend the day out together in Warrandyte and do whatever we wanted.

We went to visit Beanca's grave with some trinkets and flowers and then went and wondered the shops and had a nice quiet lunch together. After that I took BJ somewhere special.. Somewhere that i haven't been for 10 and 1/2 years. The place we took Beanca the last time we saw her. Pound Bend.

My rock - BJ
I don't know why but I felt I needed to go back that and it's a place I wanted to share with BJ. He's been there for me the past 7 years. Holding my hand and supporting me through it all.

I would never wish a tragedy like this on anyone ever.
I will never be able to move past this as it's changed my life in so many ways.

I'm thankful for all our family and friends who have stuck by us and supported us through days like this. It means so much to us to have so many who care about Chris and are looking out for his future.

The things I've remembered coming up to the 10th anniversary of Beanca's death amaze me. I can remember every little thing about her funeral, What i was planning to wear and what i ended up wearing. I remember who was there. I remember the tv show i was watching that night before mum sat us down to tell us what had happened. It's all soo clear like it was only yesterday.

I could go on for hours going into detail about the trails, hearings, appeals, newspaper articles, news reports, our experience with The Australian Story, and a million other things that came from this but I don't want to overload you all. I'm sure in the future i will probably do some others on this but for now... This is enough.

Chris and I - 2011
I'm happy to talk about it with anyone who wants to, or answer questions if you have them.
I learnt very young that I needed to just be open about it all. If people couldn't handle it, that was there problem. But if we didn't speak out about it, we would never have gotten sooo much support from people.

So there is an insight to my world.


Fly free with the Butterflies Beanca xo
Pin It

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Fork This - Episode 8

In this episode of Fork This, BJ and I show you a strange and amazing places we visited in Madison, Wisconsin last year. 

Fork This - 008 from BJ Carter on Vimeo.

It was called Dead Pals of Sam Sanfillippo (We have a little bit of trouble remembering the correct name on the video.)

You can read a bit about this interesting place here.

It didn't have any set open hours. You would have to call each day to find out if there were any 'surprise' funeral's and if they had nothing booked you could just show up and a weird guy will direct you to the basement. 

It was a strange place. Having these rooms downstairs filled with dead, taxidermy animals propped and posed all over the place. But it was amazing.

Check out the photos we took by going to my Flickr set.

The best part about this place was that most of it was out in the open, Not behind glass... So you could really get up close and see the detail.

Smorgy  Pin It

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Fork This - Episode 7

In this episode BJ and I get matching tattoos on our fingers.

Fork This - 007 from BJ Carter on Vimeo. Pin It

Saturday, July 16, 2011

A Tiny Blog and Mutilated Lips 4

This weekend BJ is away on a boys weekend and I'm hoping i might actually get a little creative. Which hasn't happened for a while now.

I have plans for a blog tomorrow when i upload the new episode of Fork This so this is just a little blog with a Mutilated Lips for you to enjoy.


Pin It

Monday, July 11, 2011

Tattoo Sunday

BJ and I decided we wanted to get matching tattoos. Of something that makes sense only to us.
Something personal and special.

And this weekend we went and got our matching tattoos..... On our fingers!!

We got a lot of people voicing there opinions about us getting finger tattoos but to us none of them made any difference when it came to us making this decision.

For me personally I wasn't going to get something huge, in-your-face or stupid. I was going to get something special. Something that no matter what, at any time of day i can look down and see... Something that will always put a smile on my face.

So we go the Pi symbol.

BJ got his in Black (as well as a lightening bolt on his other hand) and I got mine in Pink.

Keep your pies away from us as these are our Pi dipping fingers!


P.S: There may be a Fork This epsiode about this coming soon :) Pin It

Fork This Episode 6

Here is the latest episode of Fork This.

Our friends from Nashville, TN sent over a little care package for us and we unveiled it all infront of the camera for you.
Make sure you watch till the end to see some funny Cooper footage.


Fork This - 006 from BJ Carter on Vimeo. Pin It

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Pretty Damn Proud

This isn't something that I would normally share with the world but I am pretty happy with myself right now and just wanted you all to know about it.

Over the last few years my weight has been going crazy. When BJ and I went traveling for 6 months I was able to lose a little bit of weight (Mainly due to the fact that I didn't eat so that he could) but not an amount I was proud of.

After coming back from that trip I quickly gain what I had lost back on... And then more!

I became quiet embarrassed by my body. I didn't think anything looked good on me, I didn't want anyone to see me naked... I didn't want to see me naked. I was ashamed about the way I looked. Which didn't help me, It just made things worse.

At the start of 2010 I got to the point that I thought 'I need to do something'... I was eating better then I ever had, which didn't make any difference... So I decided to stop drinking Coca Cola.
Now anyone who knows me knows that this wasn't an easy thing for me. When I was in high school I was drinking around 2Lt a day, I'd have it for breakfast. I was an addict. I'm nuts for Coke AND Coke products. Hell I traveled to the other side of the world so I could go to the World of Coca Cola in Atlanta, Georgia.

BJ and I with the Coca Cola Bear
Me and my World of Coca Cola Tickets

I had previously cut back to a can a day (mostly). I had to before we traveled overseas because I couldn't afford to keep up that addiction and travel the world.
So then this time I was a lot harder on myself. I wasn't allowed ANY coke.
I was soooo sick for the first couple of weeks. It was a really hard thing to do.

In November 2010 I joined a small training group and was doing a class once a week. This was a hard step for me. I feared people would be looking at me, judging me. I did a 6 week session before Christmas. It was the hardest things to do at the beginning... I felt like I was dying afterwards. But I toughed it out and stuck with it.
I continued with the training at the start of 2011 and was slowly losing small amounts of weight over time. I started feeling fitter but I still couldn't physically see any change in me.

In about March people started making comments. Asking if I'd lost weight, telling me I was looking good. I didn't believe them and just brushed it off. Always commented with an 'I hope so' instead of just a confident 'Thank you'.

At the beginning of June I went shopping with BJ. I hate clothes shopping because I could never find anything that I thought looked good, but I was desperate for some pants and so I would going to suck it up and try my best to find some.
This day, I bought a pair of jeans... I haven't worn jeans for at least 7 years. They fit, they looked good, I was shocked. I actually bought quiet a few items of clothing, which is rare for me.

I was nervous about wearing these jeans out in public. I mean BJ told me they looked good, but he'd say that if I was covered in rotting fish. He practically made me wear them that whole weekend and it took me awhile to actually feel comfortable in them but now I'm quiet happy to put them on.

So that was a HUGE step for me. To actually look in the mirror, at myself wearing jeans and think 'You know they actually don't look that bad'. I'm still shocked by this.

At the end of May I started a different type of class (Through the same group). It was a Hula Hooping class. I've already been pretty decent at hooping and thought it was something fun and different to try.
It was an 8 week session and it was a lot of fun. I learnt some fancy tricks and really enjoyed each week. It was a really full-on class which I'm sure most people wouldn't expect, But check out these mad bruises.
My left hand the morning
after hooping

Today I returned to do another 8 weeks of Hula Hooping.
When I got to the venue my instructor asked me if i wanted to do a weigh in and get measured. This is something we did every now and then and I hadn't done since mid May and I have to admit I was curious. I mean the comments have continued, even BJ's started commenting on the differences he was noticing.

I jumped on the scales and closed my eyes... I heard my instructor say 'Oh My God!' so I opened my eyes and looked down. I was gobsmacked. Since my last way in about 10 weeks prior, I'd lost over 9kg.


I didn't know what to say. I don't quiet know how it happened. But reality kind of kicked and and finally I could see that I have actually changed. My waist is smaller. My legs and arms are thinner. I've lost a couple of chins. (Unfortunately lost some off the boobs too.)

Then my instructor measured me. Added it all up and 'Wow!'.... 27 cm's in total.
I am amazed.

She told me how great that was but then it just didn't sink in. I went and sat down and of course messaged BJ and tweeted but didn't give anyone any details. I did the class (which was exhausting after 2 weeks off) and the whole time I just kept thinking about it. When I was driving home i decided I wanted to blog about it and share it as I'm pretty FUCKEN proud of myself right now.

It's been a LONG road with lot's of downhills but finally I'm seeing the light at the end and I can go to bed with a smile on my face tonight knowing that I couldn't probably get out that bag of clothes that no longer fitted me and I wouldn't have to squeeze myself into them, they'd probably fit now.

This blog is very long winded but I wanted to share my story. I know there are a lot of people out there who struggle with losing weight and I just wanted to give them some hope that it CAN and WILL happen if you just stick to it.


My excited face because I haven't fitted
into this jumper for years

Me in my jeans - Doesn't really show you much
but it's the only one I have
Pin It

Monday, July 4, 2011

My Goals - July

I did so well with achieving my June goals that today i wrote up a list of 10 goals for July that i thought i'd share with you.

1/ Cook once a week - I dont care if it's dinner or just some cookies but i want to get in the kitchen more

2/ Re-organize my wardrobe & tidy my room - My wardrobe is overflown and i need a better system for my clothes

3/ Get my resin out - It's been SOOOOO long since i did so this month I'm going to make it happen

4/ Find some memory boxes - I  have two things i collect and i need an appropraite place to store them

5/ Eat less fast food - I'm not eating it too much these days but still think I could cut it back a bit more

6/ Practice my hooping more regularly - I recently did an 8 week hula hooping class (and have started another 8 weeks) but i find it hard to get in some time at home to have a spin

7/ Call my car insurer - I put a claim in after some guy hit my car back on March and STILL haven't heard anything from the insurance company... I'd like to know what the hell is going on

8/ Start a glory box - My partner and I are saving for a home but obviously we are going to need lots of things when it is time to move out. So i want to get a start on that

9/ Clean car inside and out - I've had Norman now for 9 months and only given him one bath in all that time, he's waaaaay overdue

10/ Finish BAS - This one is work related. Every time the BAS comes up i get swapped with work and always have to rush through it last minute while I'm stressing out... Not this time!

So they are my goals for July.
I'll keep you updated on how i go with them

Smorgy Pin It

Fork This - Episode 5

In this weeks episode of Fork This i decide to try and explain what Fork This is.

Fork This - 005 from BJ Carter on Vimeo.

Smorgy Pin It