Sunday, October 11, 2015

Aud-itions Are Closed

So after 244 brutal days of pregnancy and 4 painful hours of labour, I became a mother.
It still hasn't really sunk in... But it's about to.

Audrey passed her audition with flying colours.. She is pretty cool and I think we are going to keep her.

As a family we have gotten to share 5 life changing weeks together. Getting to know each other. Over this time I have seen BJ is a whole new light. He has taken on his new role as a father better then I could have ever imagined. I knew that he would be amazing but he has exceeded my expectations. He has shown me just how much he loves Audrey, Never having to actually say it (even though he does constantly) because I can see it in his eyes when he looks at her.

He has no problem changing a nappy, cooking dinner while I feed her or walking the house for ages to settle her. He has become the worlds best swaddler and at night will often wake up just to swaddle her so I can put her back in her cot.

Earlier I could hear him singing to her about changing her nappy through the baby monitor and currently I'm watching him play with Audrey, trying to get her to smile. It's amazing. HE'S AMAZING and Audrey and I are so lucky.

I am soo happy that we made the decision for him to take this time off work for when she was born so that we could do this together. I feel it's really important for him to bond with Audrey as much as me he has been able to do just that.

Together we have changed over 250 nappies, done more then 15 loads of washing, given Audrey more nicknames then she could ever remember and had more sleepless hours then I can count. (And lets not even talk about the wipes, Jesus we have been through a LOT of wipes.)

Tomorrow he goes back to work. Something we are all dreading. He is upset that he's not going to get to hang out and wont get to spend as much time with Audrey on weekdays and I'm upset that i'll having to start doing this all on my own while he's gone. I know I have friends and family around to support and help me if I need it but that doesn't change the fact that it's mostly going to be just me and Audrey.

BJ has made several comments about starting some sort of home business so that he wouldn't have to work... Which is a lovely fantasy but the reality is that this day was always going to come.

And now that it has i'm trying to psych myself up ready for my first day alone with Audrey. I am looking forward to spending time together, just the two of us, but I'm also over thinking all the things that could happen. I'm not worried about have to let her cry for a minute while I go to the bathroom but I am worried about her crying all day and me not being able to settle her.

Because I am working from home as well as looking after Audrey I worry about when I am going to find some time to do anything else. Time to clean up the kitchen, take a lunch break or even just have a moment for myself. I have struggled to find a good balance between the work and being a mother over the last 5 weeks and that's while BJ has been here to help me. But I am determined to make it work, to get my workload sorted so that I can spend as much time as possible bonding with Audrey and to get Audrey sorted so that I can take a moment to have a shower or enjoy one of my tv shows.

I know there will be good days and bad, laughter and tears and i'm nervous but also excited about it.


Photos by our amazing photographer Bianca Cash

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Monday, October 5, 2015

Where has the last month gone?!

One month ago I did something incredible. I pushed a thing the size of a watermelon out of my body and welcomed my daughter Audrey J into the world.

I was booked in to be induced on the Friday morning but that didn't quite go to plan. We were up from 5am and instructed to call the hospital before coming in. Due to a shortness of staff we were delayed and weren't told to come in until 10.30am. We sat around waiting at the hospital until we were finally moved to a birthing suite at 1.30pm and from then we were told almost every hour that 'it should happen soon'. At about 7pm they tagged me and told me that it may not happen that day but that they won't send me home.

5am Saturday morning they walked in... 'Oh your awake... Good! We are about to start'.


By this point there had been several changeovers in staff and we were soo over the hospital.

At 5.10am they broke my waters and started my drips. Because I was induced they had to keep me hooked up to a monitor to keep an eye on the baby and make sure she was doing ok. This made it difficult for me to move around and I wasn't able to use the shower or bath at all.

My nausea was extreme that morning and once the contractions started it only got worse. The midwife offered me some gas for the pain. I didn't think I would like it but I gave it a go. Mostly because I knew BJ wanted to try it. You are meant to breathe in and out of the tube when your contractions start, to relieve the pain. As soon as I started breathing it in, I felt hazy and struggled to open my eyes. It didn't help with the pain, just made me feel weird so I stopped using it.

By 7am my contractions had started and they were not pleasant at all. BJ was so great helping me through each one. When it got to about 9.30am the midwife suggested I get up and move around a bit to move things along faster but because of the IV and the monitors that wasn't going to be easy so instead I hopped on an exercise ball by the bed and started to rock.

I started to feel a serious need to push and the noises coming out of me were not very lady-like. The midwife was assuring me that there was no way I was ready to push, 'It was too early still'. This was devastating to me as I was exhausted already and couldn't imagine continuing like this for hours more. But she decided to pop me up on the bed and see where things were at, that's when we discovered that I was well and truly ready to squeeze this baby out.

They prepared what they need and I asked if I should push. The midwife responded with 'do whatever feels right'. Which I didn't find helpful at all. Moments before my next contraction was due to start I turned to BJ and whispered to him 'I don't want to shit the bed!'. He laughed and then I started to push.

I experienced the most painful thing I'd ever experienced. Within 20 minutes, her head was out and she started crying. One more push and out came the rest of her. At 10.08am a slimy blob was placed on my chest and an overwhelming feeling came over me.. I did it!

A 4 hour labour. Audrey had no interest in taking things slow.

It has been a month but feels like only yesterday. I have made so many notes of things I wanted to write about and hopefully soon I will find some time to do some more posts. But right now I have to feed my little girl... Holy cow! I have a kid!!


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