Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Making Friends

I never use to have a problem making friends (I dont think) but these days, it's just work, work, work and since I'm in a small office with few staff i dont really have the opportunity to meet a lot of people my age and create new friends.

One of my goals for this month is to make a new friend and I'm trying to figure out how i can achieve this.
I want this to be a real friend, not just someone i meet one night and add on facebook and that's really all it is, I want someone that i can friends with for years to come. A true friend.

I find myself looking at my facebook feeds and see all the people adding new friends weekly... But i havent added anyone new for a few months.
I get myself in a train of thought.. What are they doing that I'm not? Am i just not a friendly enough person? Why do they make friends so easily?

Then i start to wonder further... These people have over 300 'friends' on there facebook. Are they really friends? Have they physically met these people? Are they people that they went to high school with and was never friends with then but decided to add them anyway? Friends of friends of friends who you met one night out drinking but don't really know? People who they met whilst traveling years ago but have not spoken to since?

If you were to sit down and go through your entire list of friends, How many 'friends' are there who you could remove without making any difference to your facebook life? How many would not be missed from your feeds? How many who probably remove you if they bothered to go through there list?

Even if i went through my list i know i would find people that i know of school but haven't seen for 6+ years and having spoken to for almost as long, People who i dont ever hang out with, People that don't make a difference to my life by being my facebook friend.
I see people add new friends on a daily basis... It seems soo excessive to me, but maybe it's just because i don't do that myself. I don't accept everyone who asks me to be their 'friend'.

I want my list to be of actual friends... People that i plan to be friends with for a very long time.. I want people who I enjoy hearing from and reading updates about.

I've been told I should just bug people until they like me.
But that's not me... Bugging someone until they become my friend. If i have to bug them into it, then obviously it's not something they want and why should i put in so much of an effort?

I feel like to make more friends i need to change the person i am... But i don't want to do that either. There are plenty of people who like me for me so why be someone else to make friends who probably won't be real.

I've tried to organise group dinners and meetups in the past but they always seem to fail so I've given up on organising things. And I find when my partner and I do hang out with a group, they are more interested in talking to my partner and I'm on the side lines just watching.

So what do i need to do?
Do I need to be a different person?
Do I need to join a group of some kind?
Or do I just have to continue to be myself and accept that I have a small group of great friends and that's better than a huge number of facebook 'friends'? Pin It


  1. Don't change a thing! I'll be your new bff!

  2. I hear you! Really, the first paragraph sounds like something I could have written myself.
    I do think a small group of great friends is definitely worth more than a big number of not really friends.
    If you have to change for someone, they're totally not worth it!

  3. Erin i completely agree.. But unfortunately most of my BEST friends are overseas and it's hard to not have anyone here that i can call up and just be like 'Dude, lets go to dinner'. I just want a couple of people who enjoy being around me, because i can be pretty awesome

  4. I think some people are just wired to have a whole lot of 'friends' -- but I put this in quotes because I don't think you can really be that close to that many people. I think at that point, they are more like acquaintances.

    My whole life I've been more comfortable having a small number of close friends -- although the world of D and D definitely opened up my friend circle much wider that I'd ever imagined.

    Making friends is tough. But I'm glad you've identified it as something you want to work on -- I know you have made some great friendships, but it is tough to be separated by distance. I know you have some new friends just waiting to be found close to you; just keep your eyes (and your mind) open. :)