7 Years. 6 Months. 12 Kilos.

It's not that I haven't written anything in awhile its more that I just haven't been able to complete any of the posts I started writing. 

The last few months have been fucking insane!! Crazy!! Lot's of highs!

It's been nearly 5 years since I wore it and just as long since I last looked at it. Last night I whipped that bad boy out and threw it on. I couldn't zip it up myself which had me feeling a little disappointed but then BJ swooped in and saved the day. 

I haven't posted anything in the last 6 months, but SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED!!!


Since my last post, we went on our first family holiday. A week in Loch Sport, just the 3 of us and it was perfect. A chance to get away from it all and relax a little which is something I don't get to do often as I'm always working.

BJ quit his job of 7 years which he hated AND we started our own business! 

There have being some lows over the last 6 months too but I'm really trying to focus on the highs and keep a positive headspace.

2017 was a life changing year! We have taken a massive risk with BJ quitting his job and putting everything we have into starting a business and that's put a lot of added stress onto our lives. There has been lots of long hours, sleepless nights and very little family time but we are making it work. Doing everything we can to succeed and really build a better future for ourselves.

2017 was also the year and I decided to finally pull my finger out and be healthier. 

When I was pregnant with Audrey I was sooo sick that I lost an enormous amount of weight over the 9 months. I couldn't eat most things, I went to hospital at one point because I couldn't keep anything down and so after giving birth I went a little silly. After 9 months of not being able to enjoy all the foods I loved, I splurged a lot and that I managed to gain the weight back pretty damn quick. 

I got to a point that I was miserable. I hated looking in the mirror. Hating all my clothes and just wanting to hide all day in my hoodie and trackies. I kept going to kmart and just buy their $8 relaxed tees, a little bigger each time to hide my shame.

I finally made the decision to get healthy. I got on a strict meal plan, cut out 90% of my sugar intake and put a total ban on fast food. Apart from my clinical pilates class I didn't really commit to any exercise. I work two full time jobs and have a 2 1/2 year old so finding time to exercise is not easy and I didn't want to send my body into shock with too much change all at once. But in 12 months I've lost over 12kg!!

This week I had an urge to try on my wedding dress. Curious to see if it would fit.

It fit!! Perfectly!! It's a miracle!!

In the last 5 years soo much has changed. My body is completely different. I've had a kid! Things aren't where they used to be. But it still fits!

I was really excited that it fit and even more excited that when I had it on and I looked in the mirror I thought to myself 'If I was to get married right now, I would pick the same dress'. 

There are lots of things I'd change about my wedding day, but my dress definitely isn't one of them and that makes me really happy.

But the best part about trying my dress on, was seeing the look on BJ's face. I could see straight into his heart. I don't think he's ever looked at me like that. With THAT much love in his eyes.

I think I might try it on again in 5 years and see how it fits then.

This year I have some goals that I hope to achieve both personally and for the business.

I want to bake more - for myself and other people.

Continue working towards my weight goal.

Grow our business and really make it something amazing.

and make BJ and my relationship EVEN stronger.

We are 3 months into 2018 and things can only get better from here!!!

xx

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2 Weeks To The Day

Today is exactly two weeks till we get our keys and move into our house. By this time two weeks from now we'll be getting ready to have our first meal together in our new home.

I am excited about it but got a lot of other things going on that are preventing me from getting as excited as I'd like to be right now.

Today i packed up a heap of boxes and moved things out of my room. I've living in this room of mine for about 13 years and have no space for anything anymore. Trying to pack 25 years of stuff up into boxes is hard work.

On top of the stuff i already had in there I've accumulated other household items since we bought the house. So I've been boxing up kitchenware and stuff as well.

This whole house thing has come up super fast and it's very scary and daunting. I still have soo much to do to get us ready for it.

Cooper has noticed that something is going on and he's behaving like a total jerk. I think he suspects BJ and I are going on a holiday or something because i keep packing things. Little does he know that he'll be packed in a box soon enough and will be coming with us :)

In two more sleeps it's New Years Eve and we currently have no plans. I don't know what will happen for us New Years Eve but i do know that i will be washing my hands of 2010 that night.

I think the hardest part for me this year has been that i haven't had someone that i could comfortable open up and talk to.... And I've really needed that. I've got a couple of great friends in The States who i have confined in but it's soo hard to D&M with them when the back and forth could stretch over days.

So on top of the goals I've already set for 2012..

-Enjoy life
-Less go of my worries
-Remove everything that brings me down
-Be more positive
-Create a lovely home with BJ
-Smile more
-Create more
-Not be afraid of saying what i think
-Eat less junk food
-Exercise regularly

I'm going to try and make more friends. Friends with people who actually care about me and how I'm feeling. Friends with people willing to lend an ear. Friends who want to try and organise something with me and not have it always be me making the plans.

That's what I want from 2012.

xx
Smorgy Pin It

Cleaning out my closet

Wow! Christmas is almost hear which means New Years is just around the corner and then... We get OUR HOUSE!

It's all coming around super fast and with how this year has gone for me I'm planning to do everything i can to make sure 2012 starts off great and continues to be a fantastic year without any worries.

So between Christmas and New Years, while i have some time off I'm going to be Eminem'ing it and Cleaning out the closet that is my life.

 I DO actually need to clean out my physical closet to because it's sooo full of crap and i need to sort through it all and pack for the move. But I'll also be cleaning out anything else i can think of.

My Facebook is going to get another cull/clean up. Get rid of all those people that were accepted as friends but have not once spoken to since that day and have no desire to speak to them in the future.
The people from my past... from school... who i haven't seen since then and maybe once in a blue moon they'll send me a message or invite me to a group event (which is usually just to tell people that they've got a new phone number).

I'm getting rid of them all. Why be a 'Facebook friend' with someone you aren't actually friends with?!
Would you invite them out for your birthday? Have you planned to hang out with them in any way since accepting them as a friend? Would you invite them to your housewarming?... No.... Then why are they 'friends'?

I'm getting rid of all the negative. All the stuff that gets in my way, and brings me down. All the stuff that makes me feel unhappy or worthless.

I'm getting rid of old clothes that i put aside because 'one day they might fit me again' or 'even though i split something on that top and it stained it was still super cute and i just cant throw it away'.

2012 is a HUGE year for me. Moving out of home, Taking on a mortgage, Being responsible for soo much more. I need to go into 2012 feeling positive and in control.

If you can see past all that hair... That's BJ... The man i love. The man I've bought a house with and have every intention to spend the rest of my life with. I'm doing this all for us. So that we can both have the best 2012.

Some of you may know... I'm one of those people that needs to have a plan. Needs to know what's going on. I have lists for everything. If something goes wrong with my plan, i can become that crazy person crying in the corner. Moving is going to stress me like nothing else. And I'm trying to a stress-less 2012.

Now don't get me wrong... 2011 was a good year. BJ and I went on a family cruise which was awesome fun, we've gone to see some great concerts and gigs, We bought our house and started buying furniture and other items we need for it. But there are been a lot of shit that came with this year too.

There was a pretty shitty few months early on. Which sent me into a seriously depressed state... Then there was that long road of hard work and medication to get me to where i am today.
Just thinking about that period of time gets me quiet emotional and teary because i fear becoming that person again. But I'm not going to let that happen.

So bring on 2012... Bring on the house and the bills and the cooking and cleaning up after ourselves. Bring on the freedom of living in my own house, being able to paint the walls and hang up posters and play music as loud as i want.

Bring on positive thinking and relaxing more and not getting upset if something doesn't go exactly to plan. Bring on spending everyday with BJ and Cooper, Cooking together every night, Shopping for food, recording Fork This (without interruptions), Having people over to hang out, cuddling up on the couch to watch a movie. Bring on having my own crafting space, being able to leave projects out to work on as i please.

2012 is my year... The year of Smorgy! My year of happiness and joy.
And I'm NOT going to let anything change that.

Let the countdown begin

xx
Smorgy Pin It

Honesty

I recently decided to start up a diary again. It’s been years since I had one and I’ve kind of gotten to a point where I need to get a lot of things out on to paper. (virtual paper)

The last couple of months I’ve been struggling a lot, with myself. I’ve had no motivation to craft or do anything that i really enjoy - and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.

I’ve had a lot of history come to the surface, a lot of personal things to sort through, a car accident in my 6 month old baby, my puppy having an operation and other bits and pieces that have really brought me down.

I’ve come to realise that I only have one friendship that is there for me always and helps me when I’m down. I don’t have anyone that I can just call up last minute and go hang out with. I seem to just have a lot of acquaintances but very few friends and that’s making life hard.

I make all these beautiful pieces of jewelry which I’m really happy with and I think are awesome, but I have no one to give them to.

I know that everyone has it tough and I’m not THAT person who thinks that there life is the worst and everyone should feel sorry for them… and that’s the last thing I want. But the past 10 years of my life have been a total roller coaster. I’ve lost a lot of people who I cared a great deal about. Some in death, some in disagreements, but a lot of them I couldn’t tell you why because I don’t know myself. (I wish I did)

I do so much for the people in my life, the people who mean something to me. At the drop of a hat I am there for them, they need something made – I do it right away, I am supporting them every way I can… But I don’t seem to get anything in return. All I want is a thank you but mostly; I get nothing.

I’ve given up on going all out and giving 100% to people that just don’t support me back.

I’ve decided to set some goals for this year to improve my head space and get me enjoying life again:

1. If something is bothering me, im going to say something. Im not going to bite my tongue and just pretend there’s nothing wrong.
   
   
2. I’m going to spend more time doing things for me. Im all about helping friends/family, but I need some time for myself too and when they don’t help me why so I put in soo much of an effort?!
   
   
3. I am going to re-design my website. I’ve hated it since about a month after I launched it… I don’t think anyone goes there and I want to change that.
   
   
4. I’m going to craft more. This works with ‘2’ because having some time for myself means that I CAN do ‘4’.
   
   
5. Im going to try and focus on the positive things in life.
   
   

These five goals are a starting point. I have more that I a bit too personal to post. Im going to try and accomplish these goals and improve where im at currently.

I’ve been reminded recently that this year I turn 25.

I just don’t know where the years have gone and I want to be able to look back in another 10 years and see that I am no longer where I am now. That I am a happier, confident and positive person.

Im sorry about posting that on a blog that is ment for craft but I don’t think anyone actually reads my blogs anyway and I had to get this out into the world.

xx

Smorgy 

I dont want to be this person anymore

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