7 Years. 6 Months. 12 Kilos.

It's not that I haven't written anything in awhile its more that I just haven't been able to complete any of the posts I started writing. 

The last few months have been fucking insane!! Crazy!! Lot's of highs!

It's been nearly 5 years since I wore it and just as long since I last looked at it. Last night I whipped that bad boy out and threw it on. I couldn't zip it up myself which had me feeling a little disappointed but then BJ swooped in and saved the day. 

I haven't posted anything in the last 6 months, but SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED!!!


Since my last post, we went on our first family holiday. A week in Loch Sport, just the 3 of us and it was perfect. A chance to get away from it all and relax a little which is something I don't get to do often as I'm always working.

BJ quit his job of 7 years which he hated AND we started our own business! 

There have being some lows over the last 6 months too but I'm really trying to focus on the highs and keep a positive headspace.

2017 was a life changing year! We have taken a massive risk with BJ quitting his job and putting everything we have into starting a business and that's put a lot of added stress onto our lives. There has been lots of long hours, sleepless nights and very little family time but we are making it work. Doing everything we can to succeed and really build a better future for ourselves.

2017 was also the year and I decided to finally pull my finger out and be healthier. 

When I was pregnant with Audrey I was sooo sick that I lost an enormous amount of weight over the 9 months. I couldn't eat most things, I went to hospital at one point because I couldn't keep anything down and so after giving birth I went a little silly. After 9 months of not being able to enjoy all the foods I loved, I splurged a lot and that I managed to gain the weight back pretty damn quick. 

I got to a point that I was miserable. I hated looking in the mirror. Hating all my clothes and just wanting to hide all day in my hoodie and trackies. I kept going to kmart and just buy their $8 relaxed tees, a little bigger each time to hide my shame.

I finally made the decision to get healthy. I got on a strict meal plan, cut out 90% of my sugar intake and put a total ban on fast food. Apart from my clinical pilates class I didn't really commit to any exercise. I work two full time jobs and have a 2 1/2 year old so finding time to exercise is not easy and I didn't want to send my body into shock with too much change all at once. But in 12 months I've lost over 12kg!!

This week I had an urge to try on my wedding dress. Curious to see if it would fit.

It fit!! Perfectly!! It's a miracle!!

In the last 5 years soo much has changed. My body is completely different. I've had a kid! Things aren't where they used to be. But it still fits!

I was really excited that it fit and even more excited that when I had it on and I looked in the mirror I thought to myself 'If I was to get married right now, I would pick the same dress'. 

There are lots of things I'd change about my wedding day, but my dress definitely isn't one of them and that makes me really happy.

But the best part about trying my dress on, was seeing the look on BJ's face. I could see straight into his heart. I don't think he's ever looked at me like that. With THAT much love in his eyes.

I think I might try it on again in 5 years and see how it fits then.

This year I have some goals that I hope to achieve both personally and for the business.

I want to bake more - for myself and other people.

Continue working towards my weight goal.

Grow our business and really make it something amazing.

and make BJ and my relationship EVEN stronger.

We are 3 months into 2018 and things can only get better from here!!!

xx

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Pretty Damn Proud

This isn't something that I would normally share with the world but I am pretty happy with myself right now and just wanted you all to know about it.

Over the last few years my weight has been going crazy. When BJ and I went traveling for 6 months I was able to lose a little bit of weight (Mainly due to the fact that I didn't eat so that he could) but not an amount I was proud of.

After coming back from that trip I quickly gain what I had lost back on... And then more!

I became quiet embarrassed by my body. I didn't think anything looked good on me, I didn't want anyone to see me naked... I didn't want to see me naked. I was ashamed about the way I looked. Which didn't help me, It just made things worse.

At the start of 2010 I got to the point that I thought 'I need to do something'... I was eating better then I ever had, which didn't make any difference... So I decided to stop drinking Coca Cola.
Now anyone who knows me knows that this wasn't an easy thing for me. When I was in high school I was drinking around 2Lt a day, I'd have it for breakfast. I was an addict. I'm nuts for Coke AND Coke products. Hell I traveled to the other side of the world so I could go to the World of Coca Cola in Atlanta, Georgia.

BJ and I with the Coca Cola Bear

Me and my World of Coca Cola Tickets

I had previously cut back to a can a day (mostly). I had to before we traveled overseas because I couldn't afford to keep up that addiction and travel the world.
So then this time I was a lot harder on myself. I wasn't allowed ANY coke.
I was soooo sick for the first couple of weeks. It was a really hard thing to do.

In November 2010 I joined a small training group and was doing a class once a week. This was a hard step for me. I feared people would be looking at me, judging me. I did a 6 week session before Christmas. It was the hardest things to do at the beginning... I felt like I was dying afterwards. But I toughed it out and stuck with it.
I continued with the training at the start of 2011 and was slowly losing small amounts of weight over time. I started feeling fitter but I still couldn't physically see any change in me.

In about March people started making comments. Asking if I'd lost weight, telling me I was looking good. I didn't believe them and just brushed it off. Always commented with an 'I hope so' instead of just a confident 'Thank you'.

At the beginning of June I went shopping with BJ. I hate clothes shopping because I could never find anything that I thought looked good, but I was desperate for some pants and so I would going to suck it up and try my best to find some.
This day, I bought a pair of jeans... I haven't worn jeans for at least 7 years. They fit, they looked good, I was shocked. I actually bought quiet a few items of clothing, which is rare for me.

I was nervous about wearing these jeans out in public. I mean BJ told me they looked good, but he'd say that if I was covered in rotting fish. He practically made me wear them that whole weekend and it took me awhile to actually feel comfortable in them but now I'm quiet happy to put them on.

So that was a HUGE step for me. To actually look in the mirror, at myself wearing jeans and think 'You know they actually don't look that bad'. I'm still shocked by this.

At the end of May I started a different type of class (Through the same group). It was a Hula Hooping class. I've already been pretty decent at hooping and thought it was something fun and different to try.
It was an 8 week session and it was a lot of fun. I learnt some fancy tricks and really enjoyed each week. It was a really full-on class which I'm sure most people wouldn't expect, But check out these mad bruises.

My left hand the morning
after hooping

Today I returned to do another 8 weeks of Hula Hooping.
When I got to the venue my instructor asked me if i wanted to do a weigh in and get measured. This is something we did every now and then and I hadn't done since mid May and I have to admit I was curious. I mean the comments have continued, even BJ's started commenting on the differences he was noticing.

I jumped on the scales and closed my eyes... I heard my instructor say 'Oh My God!' so I opened my eyes and looked down. I was gobsmacked. Since my last way in about 10 weeks prior, I'd lost over 9kg.

NINE-FUCKEN-KILOGRAMS!!!

I didn't know what to say. I don't quiet know how it happened. But reality kind of kicked and and finally I could see that I have actually changed. My waist is smaller. My legs and arms are thinner. I've lost a couple of chins. (Unfortunately lost some off the boobs too.)

Then my instructor measured me. Added it all up and 'Wow!'.... 27 cm's in total.
I am amazed.

She told me how great that was but then it just didn't sink in. I went and sat down and of course messaged BJ and tweeted but didn't give anyone any details. I did the class (which was exhausting after 2 weeks off) and the whole time I just kept thinking about it. When I was driving home i decided I wanted to blog about it and share it as I'm pretty FUCKEN proud of myself right now.

It's been a LONG road with lot's of downhills but finally I'm seeing the light at the end and I can go to bed with a smile on my face tonight knowing that I couldn't probably get out that bag of clothes that no longer fitted me and I wouldn't have to squeeze myself into them, they'd probably fit now.

This blog is very long winded but I wanted to share my story. I know there are a lot of people out there who struggle with losing weight and I just wanted to give them some hope that it CAN and WILL happen if you just stick to it.

xx
Smorgy

My excited face because I haven't fitted
into this jumper for years

Me in my jeans - Doesn't really show you much
but it's the only one I have

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