7 Years. 6 Months. 12 Kilos.

It's not that I haven't written anything in awhile its more that I just haven't been able to complete any of the posts I started writing. 

The last few months have been fucking insane!! Crazy!! Lot's of highs!

It's been nearly 5 years since I wore it and just as long since I last looked at it. Last night I whipped that bad boy out and threw it on. I couldn't zip it up myself which had me feeling a little disappointed but then BJ swooped in and saved the day. 

I haven't posted anything in the last 6 months, but SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED!!!


Since my last post, we went on our first family holiday. A week in Loch Sport, just the 3 of us and it was perfect. A chance to get away from it all and relax a little which is something I don't get to do often as I'm always working.

BJ quit his job of 7 years which he hated AND we started our own business! 

There have being some lows over the last 6 months too but I'm really trying to focus on the highs and keep a positive headspace.

2017 was a life changing year! We have taken a massive risk with BJ quitting his job and putting everything we have into starting a business and that's put a lot of added stress onto our lives. There has been lots of long hours, sleepless nights and very little family time but we are making it work. Doing everything we can to succeed and really build a better future for ourselves.

2017 was also the year and I decided to finally pull my finger out and be healthier. 

When I was pregnant with Audrey I was sooo sick that I lost an enormous amount of weight over the 9 months. I couldn't eat most things, I went to hospital at one point because I couldn't keep anything down and so after giving birth I went a little silly. After 9 months of not being able to enjoy all the foods I loved, I splurged a lot and that I managed to gain the weight back pretty damn quick. 

I got to a point that I was miserable. I hated looking in the mirror. Hating all my clothes and just wanting to hide all day in my hoodie and trackies. I kept going to kmart and just buy their $8 relaxed tees, a little bigger each time to hide my shame.

I finally made the decision to get healthy. I got on a strict meal plan, cut out 90% of my sugar intake and put a total ban on fast food. Apart from my clinical pilates class I didn't really commit to any exercise. I work two full time jobs and have a 2 1/2 year old so finding time to exercise is not easy and I didn't want to send my body into shock with too much change all at once. But in 12 months I've lost over 12kg!!

This week I had an urge to try on my wedding dress. Curious to see if it would fit.

It fit!! Perfectly!! It's a miracle!!

In the last 5 years soo much has changed. My body is completely different. I've had a kid! Things aren't where they used to be. But it still fits!

I was really excited that it fit and even more excited that when I had it on and I looked in the mirror I thought to myself 'If I was to get married right now, I would pick the same dress'. 

There are lots of things I'd change about my wedding day, but my dress definitely isn't one of them and that makes me really happy.

But the best part about trying my dress on, was seeing the look on BJ's face. I could see straight into his heart. I don't think he's ever looked at me like that. With THAT much love in his eyes.

I think I might try it on again in 5 years and see how it fits then.

This year I have some goals that I hope to achieve both personally and for the business.

I want to bake more - for myself and other people.

Continue working towards my weight goal.

Grow our business and really make it something amazing.

and make BJ and my relationship EVEN stronger.

We are 3 months into 2018 and things can only get better from here!!!

xx

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9 Fucken Months

I haven't written anything in a while. Scratch that. I haven't posted anything in a while BUT I've written plenty.

I haven't been happy enough with anything I've written to post it though.

It's been a crazy couple of months. My work life has been crazy busy as always. I've struggled a lot with balancing work and baby day to day and some days are just horrible.

Audrey is now 9 months old and is no longer a little baby. She is the worlds fastest crawler, silent like a ninja sometimes. As soon as she is near anything that she can pull herself up on, she is standing and cruising around. If the object moves then off she goes walking it around the house. None of our dining chairs stay in the same spot for very long. This week she has even started trying to stand unsupported.

There are now 5 razor sharp teeth in her mouth, with 2 more currently cutting through and her hair has finally started growing.

She is also such a chatter. Loves the words 'mama' and 'up' at the moment. It is just amazing to watch her grow and develop day by day.

Over the last month we have developed a really good routine. One which I thought might be lost when Audrey got sick last week but thankfully it mostly has continued to run smoothly.

We have set nap and meal times and if we stick to them then the evenings are soo much more pleasant. The days when her routine is messed with are the hardest for me. I have to spend so much more time getting her back on track over the following days and with my work load, it's not easy.

I'm finding it hard to get as much work done as i need and find myself doing more and more after hours or on weekends to make up for it. I've started talking myself into looking at child care. It is not something I wanted to do before 12 months but I realise now that I cant keep going like this if I'm wanting to stay on top of things.

I never thought I'd be THAT mum who can't handle the thought of leaving their kid at child care. I mean, yeah, I always expected the first day would be rough but I'm struggling to make the appointments to just go and have a LOOK at places. It's really quite daunting and scary. I'm looking to book her in for 2 days a week so that I can have some solid work days. Mostly I'll still be working from home but it gives me the freedom to go into the office when necessary... AND also some time to myself because that just doesn't happen anymore. Ever!

I am also trying to make time for birthday prep. Audrey will be ONE in less then 3 months... (What the hell!!)

We decided we were going to have some fun with Audrey's 1st birthday to celebrate surviving a shit pregnancy and a really full on first year of parenthood... Oh yeah, and I guess we'll celebrate Aude's birthday too.

But I'll talk a little more about that soon.

xx
Smorgy


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Bibs - 1001 Uses

Thinking back on the last 5 months, yesterday definitely falls in the 'Top 5 bad days of motherhood' list.

I found myself sitting at my desk wiping away my tears with one of Audrey's bibs. The frustration of the day finally caught up with me and I couldn't contain it anymore.

Normally this would be fine because 95% of the time I work from home. But yesterday I was actually in the office surrounded by staff. I remember getting to the point that I just wanted to stand up and hand her to someone and just walk away for a bit. But I kept trying to tell myself that I didn't need anyones help. When I'm at home I manage perfectly fine on my own, so I can do it here. I collected myself and decided to pack up and go home because I wasn't getting anything done in there. Then someone offered to make me a cup of tea and the tears started again. This time everyone noticed.

At home, I can put her down in her cot to nap, put her on her mat to play without her being in the way and I can get what I need to do done. But when I'm in the office I'm slowed down by everyone else wanting me for something, other jobs all of a sudden needing to be done, I can't put her down safely with all the foot traffic going on and IF she does grace me with a nap, I'm lucky to get 30 minutes from her when she is in her pram.

Yesterday Audrey was super fussy. Just sooking and wanting every minute of your attention but still not being satisfied with that. Refusing to finish any of her bottles. Not wanting to be held, or be on the floor or in her pram. Nothing would please her.

Two girlfriends told me that I'm doing a great job and that everyone has these moments and I appreciated it but I didn't feel like I was doing a great job at all. I felt like since the moment she was born I've had soo much pressure on me to do my job and look after her at the same time. I know lot of that I've put on myself but a lot of it I also didn't really have a choice.

I never really got to have maternity leave with Audrey. I am lucky if I get one day a week without having to do anything work related.

I've been having a emotional week, hormones are going mental and each day has been a struggle to keep my head above water. BJ's been working an early shift this week which means he gets home by about 5pm. Normally that would be perfect and I'd love it but by 5pm I'm just a mess. Mentally exhausted after a day of trying to do everything.

I know I can't do everything. Audrey is often in the same onesie she slept in for the whole day because I forget to change her. She can go more then a couple of days between baths because I struggle to get down on the floor and bathe her.

Dinner is often late because I forget to defrost the mince or Audrey decides that she wants my full attention in the evening and sooks if I look away to chop veggies.

When BJ got home he found Audrey rolling around on the floor and me sitting on the couch crying, because once it starts, it's hard to stop. He gave me a hug and played with Audrey and finally I felt like I could breath again. Audrey went down for a nice long nap before BJ headed back out for the night and I finally got some time to myself that didn't involving having to rush through a shower or shovel some food into my mouth. I sat down with a block of chocolate and a cold can of coke and I watched some trash on the tv and I just breathed.

I just looked up from my computer screen at her on the floor and she has pushed herself soo high up on her hands and is just smiling at me with those amazing chubby cheeks of hers.

Fuck I love that kid.

xx
Smorgy


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Head Above Water

It's been 2 months since Audrey was born and I'm starting to feel like I've got a hang of this 'mum' thing.

In that first month i lost myself a bit. No making any time for me. When I had a break while she was napping it was mostly spent working

I've started quiet a few posts since she's been born but just haven't been in the right head space to work on them and get them right but I am hoping soon I will be able to post more. I want to document what's been going on in my life since Audrey joined us.

Over the last 2 months our world has changed. Not just for me and BJ but for our boys Gordon and Cooper. They have been so great with Audrey and I'm so proud of them.

BJ has now been back at work for a few weeks and since he went back it has given Audrey and I a chance to develop a routine. I've got a great system going with getting her down for her naps, keeping bottles clean and sterilised, getting the washing done and making sure I sit down and have a lunch break every day. I've gotten on top of my work (mostly) and I've even had a few adventures out of the house, just me and Audrey.

I've learnt very quickly that you need to add even more time then you excepted to get everyone ready and out of the house on time, that people have no respect for prams at the shops and even though there is a million things that need to be done, sometimes I just need to sit down with some chocolate and the tv and unwind.

She is a pretty cool kid and surprises me every day with how much she is learning and growing. And boy is she growing!

xx
Smorgy

Look at her cheeky face

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38 Weeks... Who's Ready?!

Less then two weeks left and even with everything that's happened during this pregnancy... the constant nausea, the gestational diabetes, the insulin injections, I don't feel ready for it to be over just yet.

We are now playing the waiting game to see if she comes on her own or if the doctors decide to intervene. The not knowing is the worst bit.

I'm a very organised person. I like to be in control and know exactly what's going to happen. This is something that I have no control over and haven't had any control for the entire pregnancy.

The next stage is scary. I'm not worried about the labour, pain is easy. But after that, there is a baby and it's MY responsibility. I will be someone's mother... Shit!

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the last 8 1/2 months and everything that's happened.

I always thought that when I got pregnant I would stack on the weight. You know, blame it on the pregnancy cravings and just eat whatever i wanted. But it's been the opposite. I lost 10kgs in my first trimester which had me the lightest I've been for a long time and thanks to the diabetes I've had to be very careful with what i've eaten throughout the rest of the pregnancy.

I'm constantly being told that I'm very small. Which I'm quite happy about. I don't feel like I'm carrying around a watermelon in my top. I feel like (most of the time) I look pretty alright for someone who is so far along. But I am getting a lot of pain in the back of my ribs and shortness of breath when I sit down. So that's not fun.

I always hear stories about strangers going up to people while they are pregnant and ask them how far along they are or try to touch their tummies or giving their opinions. Strangers always seem interested in pregnant people but this was not the case with me... Thank goodness! I kept telling BJ that I must have a face that scares them away. I was looking forward to the moment when some stranger tried to touch my belly and I respond by touching THEIR belly but alas I don't think I will get a chance.

I have however had SOOO many people tell me their stories... They are either about issues and complications during their pregnancy OR they are about how great and easy their pregnancy was. Either way it's been super annoying and not something I've wanted to hear about.

I've had someone tell me about their horror birth where they nearly lost their baby and blame the hospital... which is of course the hospital I am going to and they knew this before starting the story. And then another person told me about an experience they had when they were a cop and had to deal with a pregnant woman who was hit by a car and died. Why do people insist on telling me these stories?!

This morning I woke up to find that BJ had finished painting in the nursery and moved the change table into their and hung a beautiful piece of artwork we received from a friend of ours. So today while he was at work I put the cot together and start organising things (Better late then never hey). I got the other artwork we have and framed it up ready to hang and the room is finally coming together.

There have been quite a few issues when it comes to my appointments. The doctor will say 'come back next week' but they'd be all booked up and I'd have to go on a waiting list and hope someone else goes into labour so that I'll get their appointment. This happened again this week and it's the most annoying one. Doctor wanted me back on Wednesday and mentioned booking me in to be induced Thursday or Friday if she hasn't come prior but they couldn't fit me in Wednesday so I'm booked in to the hospital on Friday morning and now I have no idea what's going to happen.

I have been misinformed and uninformed about a lot of  things throughout this pregnancy. So once she comes I will be happy to not have to deal with that anymore. I'm hoping to not have to be induced and I'm convinced that she will be a September baby. So I have at least 5 days to go hahaha.

Wish me luck

xx
Smorgy

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Two Months

This week marks two months that BJ and I have been in our house. I think we've surprised a lot of people (especially our families) with how easily we've dealt with this huge change.

We both love it! It feels like we've been living like this for ages. Feels like home.

I think people expect us to have struggled with it. Had days where we've been homesick or mopey. But that hasn't been the case at all.

We've just been happy!

Happy to come home every night and cook dinner together while Cooper watches. Happy to snuggle up on our couch and watch TV. Happy to clean dishes, do gardening and wash clothes.

I wouldn't change my life right now, for anything in the world.

xx
Smorgy

Here are some pics for our last two months

Click to enlarge

 Left to Right: First photo at our house, Packing the essentials, First piece of mail, BJ answers our home phone for the first time, BJ vs the wasps nest, Cooper sun baking, Ice cream adventure, Cooper meets Gnome Swanson, Our couch finally arrived, BJ made me valentines cookies, Our second Third fridge, our fourth fridge (yes we went through 3 fridges in less then a month-That story will be told one day), Cooper sleeping (again), Chilling out watching Wipeout, BJ tends to his chilli's, Our housewarming brochures, Us.


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Memories from 2010

So 2010 was an exciting year. A lot happened and here is a short list of some of the more excited things.

January

Was mostly spent working on my website and try to get it to a point that I was happy to upload it for the world. (Note: it is now in desperate need of an update)

February

I had my first attempt at working with resin and loved it. Even though I haven’t perfected it yet, I still enjoy getting it out and making a mess.

March

BJ and I went to the Mary and Max exhibition in the city. Had a visit from one of our USA friends Chappy. BJ and I also got to experience Tapas and Korean BBQ for the first time… Delicious!

April

I met Rich Fulcher!!! We appeared in our friend Broni’s music video and took my niece to the zoo for the first time.

May

BJ’s car decided to break down in the middle of a major road and the police had to push him out of the way. 

 June

Their was my niece’s 4^th birthday (not to mention a heap of other birthdays). I started re-organising my room and our good friend Kelly came to visit us from Canada (via Canberra).

July

Was BJ’s birthday where he got the AWESOME Freaks and Geeks yearbook box set. I bought a new massive tv for myself, got a little crafty for a friend and got out our box of souvenirs from our last trip to get us excited for the next.

August

Had me crafting some more before the trip. We saw Stephen Lynch Live. BJ and I celebrated our 5^th anniversary together. Then we headed back to the States for a month of travelling and catching up with great friends (Oh and had many trips to Disneyland)

September

We continued our time in the states. We got to go to Nashville and visit the honkey tonks, we spent a weekend having a massive barn party. But the biggest highlight of all… we calved our first pumpkin J

October

I bought a new car!!! We saw Mariachi El Bronx live and up close. Went to the Tim Burton Exhibition. Oh and it’s was my birthday

November

Saw me spending time with the people I love with a trip to the Miniature Trains and I clicked over the 600 kmh mark in my car. (Slow month)

December

I got a little creative again. My niece and I made a gingerbread house for Christmas. BJ and I had our first paint balling experience. I got my old car ready to sell and we bought in the new year with some good friends and fun.

Good times, Good times... Looking forward to move fun in 2011. 

xx

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