Three

Last week marked 11 years together and 3 years married and each year since our wedding BJ makes a compilation CD and we take our anniversary photo. It's my favourite time of year. And this year it was SO nice to be able to share it all with Audrey.

Our anniversary album never disappoints. BJ will collect songs over the year. Some old but mostly new songs. He will often hide an entire album if there is a song on it that he's wanting to save as a surprise.

This tradition started after we did a CD as the wedding favour for our guests. It was so much fun to make and was just so us. So I thought I'd share the playlists and albums covers.

The Wedding Album

This album is a mix of some of our favourite songs and also songs we including in our special day. 

Faithful Heights - Night Beds

Your Arms Around Me - Jens Lekman

Love Song - Tilly & The Wall

First Day Of My Life - Bright Eyes

Love Interruption - Jack White

Stay Forever - Ween

These Old Shoes - Deer Tick

That's What's Up - Edward Sharp & The Magnetic Zero

In The Aeroplane Over The Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel

Think I'm In Love - Beck

No Children - The Mountain Goats

My Love - Mariachi El Bronx

As strange as this might sounds, this is our song. I love it!

(I was so sad when we saw The Mountain Goats live and they didn't play it.)

One

This album had a few of the same artists from our wedding album but seriously, how can you go wrong putting The Mountain Goats on a compilation CD? 

Shepherd's Bush Lullaby - Benjamin Gibbard

Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron & Wine

The Way Love Used To Be - Colin Meloy

Feb-75 - The Mountain Goats

Hannah Hunt - Vampire Weekend

The Hardest Part - Ryan Adams & The Cardinals

Nausea - Beck

Awkward Conversation - The Front Bottoms

Oh Yeah - Foxygen

Black Cadillacs - Modest Mouse

Palaces Of Montezuma - Grinderman

Seeing this song performed live is one of the most mesmerizing and amazing things I've ever experienced.

Two

I got this album one month before Audrey was born and it was the perfect album to get me through those last few weeks.

Just A Dream - Tobias Jesso Jr.
This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) - Iron & Wine And Ben Bridwell
Beginners - The Tallest Man On Earth
Wastes Of Time - Elvis Depressedly
Slow Show - The National
If I Love You - The Brian Jonestown Massacre
West Virginia - The Front Bottoms
Depreston - Courtney Barnett
Against Pollution - The Mountain Goats
A Girl In Port - Okkervil River
I Went To The Store One Day - Father John Misty

I seriously burst in tears as soon as the album started because of this beautiful song.
(And can you tell we have a serious love for The Mountain Goats)




Three
I've already listened to this album a few times and like the rest, I love it. This one tells the story of our first year with Audrey starting off with the song that was playing when she was born... Yes, my kid came out to mariachi music... She's my little Mexican baby.

Arpeggiator - Mariachi El Bronx
Welcome To Earth (Pollywog) Sturgill Simpson
C'est La Vie Way - Wolf Parade
Are You Serious - Andrew Bird
Two Kids - Laura Gibson
Dust Bunnies - Kurt Vile
Belong To You - Eric Bachmann
Brother's Song - Brand New
River - Leon Bridges
Being Around - Courtney Barnett

What the hell?! No Mountain Goats... C'mon BJ!
This is the song that I would sing to Audrey when I was trying to get her down in her cot. His album was often playing in the car so she would snooze... And because it's amazing!



Already excited about what next years album will be like

xx
Smorgy

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One Year Ago Today

2015 started with mixed emotions. I was in the early stages of my pregnancy which was exciting and nerve racking. I was sick as a dog which left me with very little energy to be positive and an ongoing worry that something bad might happen.

One year ago today was one of my worse days of my pregnancy.I hadn't kept any food or liquids down in days, couldn't stand or lift my head and even when I laid perfectly still and didn't attempt to inject anything I was still vomiting constantly. To the point that there was just nothing but dry reaching and tearless cries.

This was the day that I went to the emergency room because I just didn't know what else to do and I couldn't suffer through the pain anymore.

Something I couldn't post about at the time because I was only 9 weeks pregnant.

At about 7.30pm, Mum drove me to Box Hill and we sat in the emergency waiting area for about 3 hours before they took me to a bed. In that 3 hours I had my blood pressure tested and was given some Zofran wafers to try and help me to stop vomiting.

As BJ didn't want the boys to be home alone he stayed with them and I kept him updated throughout the night via text (because I forgot to take a charger and had very little battery).

I was in the bed for at least an hour before I actually saw a nurse or doctor. When the nurse finally came in to insert my IV, it took her 6 attempts in my arms and hands because I was so dehydrated, my veins were nonexistent. She then called in the doctor and he got the IV in first go in the side of my wrist.

I was immediately black and blue from all the attempts, exhausted and starving. 4ltrs of fluids rang through the IV over the next 8 hours. Maxalon, Zofran and Panadol all consumed and one nurse actually went and found me something to eat at 2am when I finally felt like I could hold food down.

Whilst in the hospital bed all I could hear was the neighbouring patient talking with the doctors about her miscarriage. Not the best conversation to be hearing when you are only 9 weeks along, sick and scared about what's going to happen.

In the morning mum had to leave and head to work and not long after BJ showed up to sit with me until I could go home. But while I was there on my own all that raced through my head was 'am I able to do this?'. At this point we were crossing our fingers that by 12 weeks I'd start feeling better. (fat chance.)

It was about 12.30pm before I was discharged and we headed home to the boys who were eager to know where I'd been all night.

From that day I started a daily cocktail of Zofran wafers twice a day and Maxalon every 8 hours to make it possible for me to stomach food and liquids again. This continued right up until Audrey was born. In 7 months we spend over $1200 on the wafers alone.

This is a memory that is still very strong and one of the many reasons why I get so upset when people ask me 'when are you going back for more' or tell me 'you'll forget and have another'.

After getting to know Audrey these last 5 months I can say that I am glad I went through that 9 months of pain... But... it doesn't mean I'm interested in going through it all ever again.

Here is to feeling well in 2016.

xx
Smorgy


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Goodbye 2015

Well where do I begin...

This has been one crazy year. One year ago today I found out that I was pregnant after having some tests done a few days earlier as things just didn't seem right and the results were pregnancy and PCOS.

I announced the news to BJ while he was at work and that night we celebrated we brought in the new year, smiling about our little secret.

I then had two lovely weeks before the morning sickness started... and didn't stop for 8 whole months. My hyperemesis included the struggle to get out of bed or eat food, inability to stand in the shower, an overnight stay in the emergency room, Zofran wafers twice a day at $100 for 12 days worth and several trips to the doctors for Maxalon injections and repeat scripts.

By the end of my first trimester i had lost 10kg and got into a routine with my medication so that I was semi functional. I could get myself to work most days by 10.30am and could only stay on my feet for short periods of time. I could handle small meals and the only way to stomach water was for it to be ice cold and flavoured with cola cordial. Enormous amounts of ice was consumed throughout my pregnancy.

The announcement of our pregnancy happened at the end of February and Facebook went mental.

Before I had fallen pregnant (and knew I was going to be sick as anything for the entire thing) we bought tickets to go see Conor Oberst play a twilight show at the Melbourne Zoo and it took everything I had to get myself there only to have them cancel it 3 songs in due to a storm that was about to hit.

My year continued with lot's of medication, very little sleep, constant hips/back pain and then we found out the sex. A girl! A reminder about why i'm going through all this. Once again Facebook goes mental after a subtle gender reveal.

Amongst all this we sold our house and spent every free moment going to open homes to get a new place to live. Our sale was fantastic, finding a new place to live however was very time consuming and we had a lot of disappointment. Missing out on 3 properties and getting to the point that we almost had to rent as we were running out of time to find a place. Luckily we secured our new home and then the packing began. 

Appointment after appointment. Doctors, midwives, ultrasounds, osteo's... And then it was time to have my glucose tolerance test... and *Dramatic pause* I had gestational diabetes... Of course! 4 times a day I was having to test my blood sugar levels by pricking my finger and keep track of it all.

A couple of weeks after trying to manage my GD and being unsuccessful had me started on insulin. So on top of my 4 finger pricks a day I now had 3 needles in my tummy and EVEN more appointments. More doctors, more ultrasounds, more scripts and regular endo visits.

Our houses settle and we move into our new home while I was 8 months pregnant. Once we move in we find out that the previous owners didn't clean at all, the heater and evaporative cooling were not connected properly, no safety switch and there was a gas leak. So now I add even more appointments. Electrician, plumber, handyman. 

The last month of my pregnancy was weekly ultrasounds, monitoring and doctors/endo appointments and I get booked in to be induced. 

After a long and frustrating 24 hours in the hospital I was induced and Audrey J was brought into the world on the 5th September.. Within 4 hours! Crazy!! BJ and I were officially parents!

The moment Audrey was born I stopped feeling sick. It has been almost 4 months now and I am the lightest I've weighed in the last 8 years. It has been one hell of a roller coaster trying to find a balance between looking after Audrey and work. I barely took 6 days off when Audrey was born (still taking calls and answering emails in hospital) before I started working again (from home mostly). There have been a lot moments where I've just wanted to scream and cry when it comes to work let me tell you.

From 4 weeks Audrey was sleeping through the night. We had some hiccups with feeding and her first cold. She is now over 6kgs of pure cheekiness, giggling, grasping, rolling onto her back and the smile she gives me every time she see's me after her nap is just the best thing ever.

I also celebrated my 29th birthday and we had Audrey's first Christmas. It was soo fun to include her in our family christmas photo. I don't know how we are going to top it next year.

So although most of my year was a struggle to get through it is definitely ending on a high note. This year has taught me that I can do ANYTHING. That I am strong and determined and that nothing can stop me. 

And even though I will be reminding Audrey throughout her entire life about all the pain and suffering she put me through in those 9 months, I am so thankful for her and all that she has taught me already. 

Here's to a happy and healthy 2016.

xx

Smorgy

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Aud-itions Are Closed

So after 244 brutal days of pregnancy and 4 painful hours of labour, I became a mother.
It still hasn't really sunk in... But it's about to.

Audrey passed her audition with flying colours.. She is pretty cool and I think we are going to keep her.

As a family we have gotten to share 5 life changing weeks together. Getting to know each other. Over this time I have seen BJ is a whole new light. He has taken on his new role as a father better then I could have ever imagined. I knew that he would be amazing but he has exceeded my expectations. He has shown me just how much he loves Audrey, Never having to actually say it (even though he does constantly) because I can see it in his eyes when he looks at her.

He has no problem changing a nappy, cooking dinner while I feed her or walking the house for ages to settle her. He has become the worlds best swaddler and at night will often wake up just to swaddle her so I can put her back in her cot.

Earlier I could hear him singing to her about changing her nappy through the baby monitor and currently I'm watching him play with Audrey, trying to get her to smile. It's amazing. HE'S AMAZING and Audrey and I are so lucky.

I am soo happy that we made the decision for him to take this time off work for when she was born so that we could do this together. I feel it's really important for him to bond with Audrey as much as me he has been able to do just that.

Together we have changed over 250 nappies, done more then 15 loads of washing, given Audrey more nicknames then she could ever remember and had more sleepless hours then I can count. (And lets not even talk about the wipes, Jesus we have been through a LOT of wipes.)

Tomorrow he goes back to work. Something we are all dreading. He is upset that he's not going to get to hang out and wont get to spend as much time with Audrey on weekdays and I'm upset that i'll having to start doing this all on my own while he's gone. I know I have friends and family around to support and help me if I need it but that doesn't change the fact that it's mostly going to be just me and Audrey.

BJ has made several comments about starting some sort of home business so that he wouldn't have to work... Which is a lovely fantasy but the reality is that this day was always going to come.

And now that it has i'm trying to psych myself up ready for my first day alone with Audrey. I am looking forward to spending time together, just the two of us, but I'm also over thinking all the things that could happen. I'm not worried about have to let her cry for a minute while I go to the bathroom but I am worried about her crying all day and me not being able to settle her.

Because I am working from home as well as looking after Audrey I worry about when I am going to find some time to do anything else. Time to clean up the kitchen, take a lunch break or even just have a moment for myself. I have struggled to find a good balance between the work and being a mother over the last 5 weeks and that's while BJ has been here to help me. But I am determined to make it work, to get my workload sorted so that I can spend as much time as possible bonding with Audrey and to get Audrey sorted so that I can take a moment to have a shower or enjoy one of my tv shows.

I know there will be good days and bad, laughter and tears and i'm nervous but also excited about it.

xx
Smorgy

Photos by our amazing photographer Bianca Cash

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