Working Mum

I often make myself feel bad about not taking Audrey out to the park or sitting on the floor for ages playing with her until I remind myself that I work full time... weather Audrey is home or at Child Care.

Audrey currently goes to Child Care one day a week but I work EVERY day.

I took about 6 days off when Audrey was born. But if you ask BJ I didn’t even take that long because I still checked emails and took calls.

I am lucky enough to be able to work from home but it does have its disadvantages. I am expected to be able to do things at the drop of a hat and because there is always work to do I never really give myself a break. If Audrey’s napping I’m working, she’s wake I’m working, BJ goes out one night I’m working.

I don’t feel bad about working. I am providing for my family and that is important to me. Even if the money weren’t needed I would still want to work because I don’t want to be a ‘stay at home’ mum. I don’t want the title of ‘Audrey’s mum’ to be the only thing that defines me.

I don’t have anything against stay at home mums. That’s just not for me.

But when I see on social media people having lunch at the park with their kids I do have those moments where I feel a little guilty. Like I should be doing more, I should be trying harder. But again I remind myself that my situation is different and that’s ok.

I also remind myself that Audrey is not missing out, she is not deprived of anything. She is loved and looked after. Plus she is a happy kid. I work this hard for her. To give her the best I possibly can. And from me working she has learnt to be very independent and that makes me happy.

She is not sitting watching a screen all day, she is not in any devices like a jolly jumpers while I work. She is playing with her toys and learning. Being independent has helped this kid learn some amazing things. If there is a milestone to hit, she’s done it... and in most cases, months earlier then expected.

We have had a routine since day one. It was necessary for me to be able to get all my work done around Audrey’s needs. Specific nap, bottle, meal and bath times. I can plan my whole week because I know that between ‘these times’ Audrey will be napping and between ‘these times’ she needs to be awake so that she will go down without any issues at bedtime.

Audrey is not one to sleep in the car or pram these days so to make life easier, I avoid putting us in situations where she’s going to miss a nap.

Though our routine has had to change several times as Audrey’s grown, we work hard to figure out the what works best for Audrey with her new routine and then we stick to it because that’s how this household runs smoothly and how we keep everyone happy.

We are reaching the point where Audrey is going to transition to one nap a day and honestly I’m not ready for the transitioning part of this change but I know that once we get her into a routine she will do great.

I guess I just wanted to write this to remind myself that I’m doing an ok job. 

Scratch that… I’m doing a great fucking job!!

And so are all the other working mums out there!! We all deserve a night out! (Kid free of course) 

We did do some drawing time this week... It's not a trip to the park but it's something

Pin It

When 10 years still only feels like a day

I've tried to make my blogging, tweeting and facebooking more positive lately. And I will try to make this blog as positive as i can.


For a lot of people who know me, many of you don't know what I've been though and had to live with. Even though it was in the papers, on the news etc there are still people out there who aren't aware of my story.
Today i'm going to share it with you all as I feel it's the right thing to do.

Beanca's 1st Birthday

10 years ago my 18 month old niece Beanca was murdered by her mother. Beanca and her brother Chris were taken by there mother one day while my brother was at work and 6 months went without us know where they were until we recieved a call with terrible news.

My mum and brother flew up to Queensland which is where she'd taken the kids and brought Chris back home with them.

Their mother was hog tying them at night so they wouldn't get up and bother her. The night that Beanca died, she had been tied up for 16 hours and during this time she'd rolled over and suffocated in her bed.

Mother and boyfriend were sentenced to 6 years for manslaughter and she was out in 3. Free to live her life as if nothing had happened.
I don't believe 6 years was a fair sentence at all. 10 years have passed and my family are still trying to put our lives back together.

Chris - Back in Melbourne with us

This women got to leave prison, then straight away, got pregnant and god only knows what's happening to that poor child.

Since that day my mum has been full time guardian to my nephew Chris who is severely autistic and due to the trauma he suffered he does not speak. Not only does she care for him but she's put everything she's got into protecting him and making sure he is surrounded by love and support.

And she has achieved that 10 fold. I hate to think what Chris' life would be like had she not saved him for the hell he was in.

At 15 my world was turned up side down. I can't begin to explain what it was like to live with something like this. I didn't have a childhood like the other kids my age did. I was a full time Aunty and my nights and weekends were spent looking after Chris.

Now, I'm nearly 25. I still live with and look after Chris daily and enjoy every second of it. He is the most amazing boy and I love to watch him achieve the things he has. He is living his life for two and making the most of every second of every day.

Warrandyte Cemetery

Yesterday my family had to stay strong and get through the hardest day we've ever had to live, and continue to be reminded about on the 30th of July every year.
We all had our own little way of remembering her, did our own special little thing.

The weather was nice in Warrandyte this Saturday. It always seems to be a nice day when I go to visit her. BJ and I planned to spend the day out together in Warrandyte and do whatever we wanted.


We went to visit Beanca's grave with some trinkets and flowers and then went and wondered the shops and had a nice quiet lunch together. After that I took BJ somewhere special.. Somewhere that i haven't been for 10 and 1/2 years. The place we took Beanca the last time we saw her. Pound Bend.

My rock - BJ

I don't know why but I felt I needed to go back that and it's a place I wanted to share with BJ. He's been there for me the past 7 years. Holding my hand and supporting me through it all.

I would never wish a tragedy like this on anyone ever.
I will never be able to move past this as it's changed my life in so many ways.

I'm thankful for all our family and friends who have stuck by us and supported us through days like this. It means so much to us to have so many who care about Chris and are looking out for his future.


The things I've remembered coming up to the 10th anniversary of Beanca's death amaze me. I can remember every little thing about her funeral, What i was planning to wear and what i ended up wearing. I remember who was there. I remember the tv show i was watching that night before mum sat us down to tell us what had happened. It's all soo clear like it was only yesterday.


I could go on for hours going into detail about the trails, hearings, appeals, newspaper articles, news reports, our experience with The Australian Story, and a million other things that came from this but I don't want to overload you all. I'm sure in the future i will probably do some others on this but for now... This is enough.

Chris and I - 2011

I'm happy to talk about it with anyone who wants to, or answer questions if you have them.
I learnt very young that I needed to just be open about it all. If people couldn't handle it, that was there problem. But if we didn't speak out about it, we would never have gotten sooo much support from people.

So there is an insight to my world.

xx
Smorgy

Fly free with the Butterflies Beanca xo

Pin It