What Are You Doing To Me Kid?

Today Audrey woke up in the best mood... At 3 fucken AM.

I however, was not in a good mood. I'd been awake for an hour and a half with my jaw pain and was not mentally or physically ready for her to wake like that.

With all the pain and suffering Audrey put me through for the nine months she was growing inside me Audrey has made it back to me by being a good sleeper.

From 5 weeks old she was sleeping through the night. Occasionally she would want a feed around 3.30-4am but most nights she didn't wake till 6am.

For the last month she has slept till 8am most mornings, which is amazing and then will often go down for her first nap within an hour of waking which gives me time to have a shower and get some work done before she wakes again.

But last night she decided to wake... and she was WIDE awake!

Normally if she wakes during the night she will stir for a little bit to warn me and give me time to warm a bottle. But that was not the case last night. She just flipped onto her front and started talking away.

I don't want to sound like I'm complaining because I know many mums have to deal with babies who don't sleep well, have to get up several times at night for feeds, but when your body gets used to not having to do these things it really throws you out of whack when it happens.

For most of 2015 I slept terribly. Whilst pregnant I was too nauseous to sleep. As the months went on my back and hips ached constantly and I had terrible reflux. I could never get comfortable and then the first month of Audrey's life she would wake every 3 hours to feed. So I kind of feel like I earned a good sleeper. But where has she gone?

I seriously lost my shit this morning. There was lots and lots of silent screaming while the kettle boiled. BJ offered to feed her, which just made me feel even worse because he had to be up in 2 hours for work and hasn't been sleeping great lately.

I had my cry, gave Audrey her bottle and settled her back to sleep. After which I was still wide awake and in pain. I have no idea what time I finally fell asleep but I felt a lot better when I next woke.

#mumlife

xx
Smorgy

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1 more sleep

I've had two terrible nights sleep. I'm sure it's just stress and worry about Thursday. But now, There's only one sleep left and I think I'll actually sleep well.

It's a strange feeling... Moving out of home for the first time and last night is when it really hit us both hard... Really hard!

We've both never lived out of home before and BJ has actually never moved house (not even rooms) before. This is VERY new to us and obviously it is a BIG deal.

We will now be responsible for everything. Paying bills. Buying food. Cooking meals. Maintaining the yard.

The bigness of it all, i don't think will truly hit us for a few weeks. Once we've actually stopped unpacking and people aren't coming by so often to help us... Then it'll hit us.

We will actually be adults!

I've cried most of last night and I can't really tell you why... I don't really know.
I think it's just an array of emotions; happiness, sadness, worried, stressed. All built up to the brim and needing to escape.

I'm soo excited to be moving out. Having my own place. Most importantly I'm just excited that finally i'll be with BJ every day. That's been the hardest part of our relationship. Not seeing each other as often as we'd like. After traveling for 6 months and spending every day together and relying on each other it was hard to go back to our separate homes. It's been 3 years since then... A long time.

But next to the excitement I'm feeling very anxious about everything that's about to happen. Worrying about what COULD go wrong. What IF this happens.

I mean BJ knows of my craziness... But living with me 24/7 is a whole new percolator of fish and I just don't know that he's truly ready for that level of craziness.

I'm currently lying on my bed which is a mattress on the floor. My room has been gutted and very little remains in here.

Today my list of things to do was a mile long. I had to finish packing, do running around for settlement, sort our the plans for Thursday... And soo much more.

I actually have to go into work tomorrow (Thursday) morning for about an hour to do a couple of important jobs... One's I hope I don't fuck up because my brain will not 100% there.
At 2.30pm we will recieve a call and then... We can go get OUR keys!

And with that, I'm going to try and get some sleep. Right this minute it's 15 hours and 7 minutes till settlement.. Till it's ours!!

xx
Smorgy

*I started this blog last night which is why when you see it it might be labeled '2 more sleeps'. Tonight i re-wrote it and of course forgot the change the heading... Well done Smorgy Pin It